eighteenth.

Today's post won't be too incredibly exciting. Tomorrow the weather is going to be gorgeous for January and I have plans to go on a camera adventure, so tomorrow's post will be lots of fun.

Tonight I'm gonna keep it fairly simple and answer 20 questions about myself or life in general. And they will be random.

Do you like fish sticks?
Ew. No. I was never the kid to refuse to eat my dinner. But once my mom made me eat fish sticks. I told her I would barf if I had to eat them. Oh boy did I barf. She never made me eat them again.

What is your favorite cheese?
Seriously? My favorite cheese? Could the answer be all? All kinds of cheese. But top three? Goat cheese, fresh mozzarella, and gorgonzola.

Favorite mythical creature?
Unicorn. Although, part of me believes there's nothing mythical about them. They emulate magic and wonder and that's why I love them.

Waffles or Pancakes?
My mom makes killer pumpkin pancakes. So pancakes win.

How many of this year's Best Picture Oscar nominees have you seen?
Out of the 9, I have seen 2. Les Miserables and Beasts of the Southern Wild. I really want to see Lincoln, Silver Linings Playbook and Life of Pi.

Do you miss anyone right now?
Yes. I miss Lisamarie. My best friend lives in Encinitas, California currently and I'm afraid I'll never get her back. I wouldn't blame here for staying in California though. Hello, it's beautiful there.

Five random things that make me happy?
Old men laughing.  Holding hands. Brightly colored lipstick. Turning the radio on in the car and the song you were hoping to hear comes on right away. Sifting through treasures at an antique mall.

If you could move somewhere else, where would you move?
Top of the list? Asheville, NC. (see earlier post about that one.) Portland, OR or somewhere in the PNW, and then if I was dreaming really big...Saint Lucia.

What items could you not go without during the day?
My iPhone, chapstick, and good quality music to shake my booty to.

Do you think too much or too little?
Too much. Definitely.

What would your last meal be before being executed?
A heaping plate full of Party Potato Casserole.

What did you dream about last night?
I believe I had a dream that I became president of My Little Pony land. Don't ask.

Would you ever get plastic surgery?
If a breast reduction counts as plastic surgery, then yes. These bajongas are so uncomfortable.

What is your favorite cereal?
I have a totally plain jane favorite: Raisin Bran, and then a kid favorite: Lucky Charms...but I just want a bowl full of the marshmallows thank you.

What's the farthest you've ever been from your home?
That would be Burkina Faso, West Africa.

Favorite type of shoe?
I love love love ballet flats. But over all, I'm a huge fan of being barefoot. So the closest thing to that is flip flops.

What CD is currently in your CD player?
My car has a 6 CD changer, so the 6 CDs are the two Mumford and Sons albums, Bon Iver,  Foster the People, Florence and the Machine and Feist.

Do you sleep on your side, stomach or back?
I sleep like a crazy person. I sleep in the fetal position with a million pillows. I have to hug something while I sleep.

If you could have lunch with a celebrity, dead or alive, who would you eat lunch with?
Emma Stone. I would spend the whole time convincing her how much she needs to be my BFF. I love her.

Nicknames you go by?
Auj, Aud, Opie, Birdie and Arty are the most common ones.

seventeenth.

Write a letter to yourself in the future and stash it away.

I kind of chuckled when I saw this good deed today. It reminded me of a scene from The Office where Jim pulls a prank on Dwight and faxes him messages from "Future Dwight".

Dear Dwight,

Someone will poison the coffee at 8 am. Do not drink the coffee. Further instructions to follow.

Cordially,
Future Dwight

Then Stanley walks in the room with a fresh cup of coffee and Dwight lunges across the room and swipes the coffee out of his hand.

Hopefully no one poisons my coffee in the future. Good thing I don't drink a lot of coffee.

Dear Audrey,

It's currently the beginning of 2013 and as far as you are concerned that means a fresh start. 2012 was a doozy. Hopefully you read this now and things are very different for you. Hopefully this time in your life will just be a blip on the radar in the grand scheme of things. But I want to remind you of a few things you learned this year, lest you forget later on.

1.) You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. In the past the person you've been afraid of the most and believed in the least is yourself. There's no reason for that.
2.) You're not boring. You're not dull. There's plenty of unique things about you that make people gravitate towards you. You're incredibly creative. You have passions in your life and you're committed to seeing your dreams of becoming a full time photographer come to fruition. Don't let anyone ever convince you again that you don't care about anything.
3.) It might hurt, but all in all, just be honest. To others and mostly to yourself.
4.) You're intelligent. You may not have a college degree (hey maybe you do now...) but that does not define your intelligence and your ability to achieve success.
5.) People love you. Genuinely. We all make mistakes. It's part of life. But having made mistakes does not prevent people from loving and caring for you.
6.) You're a dreamer. And that's okay.
7.) You're faithful. You're patient. You're forgiving. So many times you could have thrown in the towel and handled things differently. But you loved. And you gave your all the best you knew how. Don't beat yourself up.

Love yourself the best you can and then love others until it hurts.
Audrey

"There's a wild thing in all of us." -Maurice Sendak

fifteenth and sixteenth

This post is going to be about being alone. But don't be fooled. It's not a sad, sappy, feel bad for me kind of post. It's the empowering, feel good kind of post.

I have become quite accustomed to being and doing things alone for awhile now. Yeah, sometimes it's not ideal. Morning's like today it'd be nice to have someone to start up my car and scrape the ice off my windshield while I pack my lunch for work. This Saturday night it'd be nice to have someone to accompany me to a dinner with some co-workers. Having "someone" obviously has its benefits and someday I hope to have "someone" again.

But for now I'm really learning to rock the me time.

Last year, early in the spring, maybe even before winter was over, the weather was immaculate and I was itching to get out and do something.  I grabbed my camera and went on the first of my many adventures I've learned to love. I went downtown and took pictures of everything under the sun. I had a blast. I didn't feel any kind of pressure to hurry, or to move along, or to not do every little thing I wanted to do that day. I could be that ridiculous person who laid in the grass just to get the shot I was looking for. I grabbed a hot dog from a vendor on the street and continued on my merry way. When I was ready to eat dinner, I felt like I had hit the jackpot. I had all of these wonderful restaurants in front of me to choose from. After going into a few places and seeing that the wait was too long I found a wonderful place called Mango, which is this amazing Peruvian place on Locust.

I grabbed a seat at the bar and it took a minute for someone to approach me. Finally a bartender came up and said "Is anyone joining you?" and I responded with a polite "No, it's just me. Thank you."

And then what he said next kind of struck me.

"Oh, I'm sorry."

There was no need to be sorry. I didn't feel sorry for myself. I was having a wonderful day.

I told him "Hey, no need to feel bad for me. I've had a wonderful day doing whatever I've felt like doing, and now I can eat whatever I feel like because I'm not on an awkward date worried about spending too much of this other person's money. I can eat as much as I want without feeling like a fatty. And I don't have to try and hold an awkward conversation that I don't feel like having."

He had a big grin on his face and said "I like your attitude."

Then I proceeded to eat one of the tastiest dinners I have ever eaten in my life.

The silver lining. It's good to keep your eye on that.

Even since then, I feel like I've come a long long way.

It's empowering to do things alone every once in awhile.

Go see a movie by yourself. Go to the park and take a walk by yourself. Breathe deeply. Go to that restaurant you've always wanted to try but you have a hard time dragging someone else there.

Saturday, the weather is going to be warmer on Saturday. So I'm taking my camera and having an adventure. I'm really looking forward to it.

Have "me time" and love it.

And that's all there is to say about that.

fourteenth.

make believe.

ok. this should be fun.

this is my life in make believe.

I live here.

This is Asheville, North Carolina. It is pure perfection as far as I'm concerned. Tucked in the mountains of North Carolina, busy enough for the city girl side of me, but secluded enough for that hint of country mouse I have. Streets lined with unique restaurants, kitschy little shops with random knick knacks and microbreweries left and right.

I live in a 3 bedroom house on a quiet little street that is just a 10 minute walk from all the action. My husband and I met at a restaurant while I was visiting NC for a photographers workshop. After a year of long distance dating, I packed up my business and moved to North Carolina. We married a few months later and live here with our two children, Piper Jane and Oliver. Piper Jane being our biological daughter, and Oliver having been adopted from Haiti. Our home is colorful, filled with laughter, music is always playing, and we are always challenging ourselves to try new foods. Our home is an eclectic mix of vintage thrift finds and repurposed elements that give it a stylish, but lived in look.

Our bedroom.

Piper Jane's room.

Oliver's bedroom (yes my son will have a robot nursery.)

Our kitchen (Told you it would be colorful.)

I want my living room to have lots of natural light. I don't like feeling like I live in a cave.

I will have my own space for my photography business and it will reflect my personality and what I want my business to be about, the joy of everyday life.

My clients will be welcome in my home and they will be treated as family or friends. We will laugh and chat about little things, but in the grand scheme of things, we will make connections.

I of course will be doing photography full time while also being a stay at home mom and my husband will have some job in finance or business or marketing of some sorts...(because I need someone a little left brained to keep me in line and balance me.) He will have a creative outlet too though and we will share the joy of being a part of each other's lives. He'll assist me here and there on photo shoots and I'll be his muse for his woodworking projects.

In the summers we will take the time to meet up with my brother and his wife and we will travel together down to the island of St. Lucia where my parents have "retired".  We all know that they never stop working. ;) Dad is running a successful recording studio that caters both to locals and people vacationing on the island, and mom is part of a committee that works to restore historical homes around the island.

This is also the island where my husband and I were married, so returning always brings back great memories.

We spend two weeks there and enjoy time with the locals, go snorkeling, and have backyard barbecues where we grill the finest of fish, fresh from the sea.

Far fetched? Maybe.

But the whole point was to make believe. It's pretty dang good isn't it? Mister Rogers taught me a thing or two about make believe as a kid.

It was fun to step outside of reality for a bit and put all this together. 

Thanks for joining me in my make believe world. 

twelfth and thirteenth.

I got behind. Instead of blogging last night I was watching the Packers lose miserably at my friends Mike and Rachel's house (sorry Mike) and dancing to Gangnam Style. Priorities people.

So I have two days of good deeds to catch up on. Two totally awesome days filled with photo shoots, dancing, friend time and laughing with family.

Let me say that I am not ashamed to bust a move in the car. My "jam" comes on and I'm in the zone. I'm also not afraid to bust a move in my home. Having all this space to myself means I can dance my way through the house and choreograph wonderful routines to awesome songs on Pandora. And my neighbors can see it all. I'm probably the coolest kid on the block.

Yesterday, my good deed was to play your favorite song as loud as you could.

I have many favorite songs currently. I have a playlist on my Spotify called "Get Pumped" because that's what I need from time to time. It's a mix of Ellie Goulding, The Lumineers, Rihanna and my current favorite Macklemore.

Which brings me to my favorite current song. Fair warning, the F bomb is dropped.

I'm pretty sure I'm about 5 moves away from choreographing a whole routine for it. And no I will not videotape that and share it publicly.

Macklemore: Thrift Shop

Tell me you wouldn't find yourself booty poppin to that song. Seriously.

On to today's good deed.

Think big and then think bigger.

When I started getting into photography almost 4 years ago then it just began as any other hobby. I was baking cakes. I was crocheting. I was painting.

Then I started discovering that photography allowed me to see the world in a different light. It was my way of telling stories. Of course, my dream is to some day do photography full time, but more than that I just want to continue to tell stories with my images. I want to live a life that captures all the beautiful stories that exist in the world.

The story of the couple who have been through decades of trials and changes and have a beautiful love for one another that could barely be captured in a photo. But to have a memory of that so their story can be told to future generations, I want to be a part of that.

I have this friend, and I hope that she doesn't mind if I share her here, but she is a beautiful human being. Nik is one of the most talented photographers I know. And the funny thing is, I've never met her in real life. Every time Nik posts a new photo I feel like I've stepped into someone's story. Whether its her own or the sweet man sitting on his front stoop doing his weekend crossword puzzle. She captures the beauty of life. She reminds me that I don't always need to strive for perfection and technical soundness in every single image. Because when is life technically sound? When is everything in focus? When is it perfection? It's not.

Life is still a beautiful story to be told, and she tells beautiful stories with her images.

So this challenge to dream, and then dream bigger, is a challenge to myself to tell stories more.

Bring my camera to more family events. Capture the sweet love between my Nana and Papa. Or the silliness of a small child scarfing down birthday cake.

Go on adventures. Walk the streets of the city. Encounter people and ask them to tell me their story.

Be more bold. Be more daring. Don't be limited by my insecurities.

My biggest dream would be to travel the world and capture stories of those who might not get the chance to have their stories told. The man in Burkina who leaves every day at 4 am to go work the rice fields to feed his family.

The woman in Cambodia who fought for her life to get out of sexual slavery and get an education and become something greater than what her society provides for her.

The child in Japan who lost his home and family in the Tsunami but continues to educate himself and care for his little sister.

Those stories are out there and I want to take my camera and tell them.

Dream bigger.

eleventh.

I'm late by 5 minutes. By the time I'm done writing this, it could be 15 or 20. But oh well.

I'm pulling a picture out of the archives for today's post. One, because I love it, and two because I didn't take any pictures today.

My pops. I love this picture of us. Yes, it's from my wedding day. Still, this picture means so much to me (thank you Lisa Hessel).

I love my Dad. We are the same person, I'm obviously just a girl version of him. We stay up too late. We get sucked in to goofy YouTube channels. We love watching shows about wives who go bsc and devise secret plans to take out their husbands (my mom calls this the Death and Destruction channel). We overcommit to projects and we have a hard time saying no to people. Creativity seeps from our pores...as does sweat...hooray for dad's sweat genes. :) We're sensitive. We find solace in cracking a joke...or in dad's case cracking an extra long joke that takes a whole car ride to get to the punch line of.

This past year it was so wonderful to have those moments where I needed someone to confide in and going to my dad just made me breathe a huge sigh of relief. He gets me.

When I talk to my mom it's like talking to the rational side of myself that has a hard time making an appearance, which is why I really value my relationship with my mother, because she's good at bringing organization and common sense into my life.

My dad has a way of communicating with me as if I were talking to myself...kind of like in an "uh duh Audrey, kind of way." Not condescending, just, c'mon girl you got this.

Something he once said to me stuck with me and when I feel overwhelmed I remember his advice:

All this mess in my life seems like one big messy, tangled up ball of yarn, but it won't disappear if I try and attack the ball of yarn as a whole. I have to start with one string, tug at it, and work on that, and soon enough I'll see that my yarn ball is disappearing.

This whole post I guess was to share my one good deed of the day...which is tell your dad what it is that makes him so special to you. But there's not just one thing, there's a whole book full of wonderful things that makes my dad special.

Or rather, there's like this giant ball of yarn of great things that my dad is to me, but I can only really explain it one little string at a time. I love you Pops. Thank you for being my friend.

And I've said this before, but I want to thank you for being a shining example of a committed and loving father, and even more a committed and loving husband. Seeing the way that you and mom love each other and live life is so encouraging and something to be admired. As a kid you think "ew, gross, mom and dad love each other". But now I realize the beauty of it. You're teaching me so many things by living out your life and your marriage the way you are.

tenth.

today's one good deed was to simply laugh.

i needed a good laugh today. last night i spoke to j for the first time since before christmas. it's always hard because it always smacks you with a bit of reality. it distracted my mind and all day today i was off somewhere else. so laughing was the best medicine for me today.

and i had a hearty laugh tonight after this happened. i'm still chuckling.

sometimes the most treasured moments in life are the accidental ones. this photo below is nowhere near technically sound at all. but i absolutely find it amazing. i was trying to capture a sweet picture of me and my beloved fifi mae. and then, just seconds before i clicked the shutter, she farted. and dude it was rank. but here we have this hysterical, but treasured moment between me and my little rascal of a cat that i now have forever.