All we need is a horizon line.

Back in October of 2011 I was driving in my car listening to the radio when this song from Feist struck a chord with me.

It's titled "The Circle Married the Line". The song tells a story of a couple struggling to see life the same way, they are struggling to make life together work and she sings about just wanting to see a horizon line, just to see the end of it, just to have some clarity.

A little more than two years later I am finally seeing the horizon line. The sun is finally setting on a part of my life that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. It's strange because I feel so torn about it all. There's a side of me that is just ready to breathe deeply and celebrate almost. Yes, celebrate. I struggle when I say that because it seems inherently wrong to celebrate a marriage ending. That's not the part I celebrate though. When everything began I felt like I had betrayed so many elements of who I was and what I wanted out of life by leaving him. There was a line that needed to be drawn though. A person can only withstand so much before breaking and a lot of me was broken.

I celebrate because that brokenness did not overcome me. I did not allow it to define the future I had ahead of me. Months and months of "you cant's, you wont's, you'll never be's" had melted me into a puddle of complete and utter disaster. I surrounded myself with people who reminded me of who I really was and slowly, very slowly I began to rebuild myself.

A few years later and I can look at myself in the mirror and see someone that I never believed I would see after all of this. I wanted to say that I'm someone I never thought I could be, but I think she was there all along, she just needed some prodding to get her fired up.

The other half of me is in mourning. All the could haves, should haves and here's how our lives will be together...it's all just becoming a part of the the past. It's still an internal struggle. You love someone so so much. It hurts your heart so much kind of love. Then that person isn't a part of your life anymore. He's making a life for himself somewhere else, with someone else. It cuts you deeply and you can't help but blame yourself for every little bit of it. Every single mistake you made you blow it up and think, that was it, that's why my marriage didn't survive. Nothing really prepares you in life for that kind of hurt.

I grieve because I gave my heart to someone and I've been working so hard to piece parts of what I gave back together, to learn to trust again, to learn to love again and mostly to learn to love myself.

I'm ready. I want to love again. I feel like I was meant to share my life with someone, so I know that this is not the end in that part of my life. But it is the ending to a part of my life. Seeing him will be hard and it's quite ironic that we see each other for our divorce hearing the day before Valentine's Day.

It's been a long road and so many of you have played such a key role in keeping me afloat and reminding me that I am loved. From the Scofield's who graciously and lovingly opened up their home to me when I needed a place to go, to Jess offering up her bed so I could finally get a full night's sleep in months, to Robert and Erica for giving me a wonderful home, and such great friendship when I felt so alone, to my parents who remind me constantly of what unconditional love is and encourage me so much daily. I am surrounded by so much love. I know that my future ahead of me is bright and beautiful. I thank each and every one of you who have extended kindness and love to me in the past few years.

One chapter in my book is closing, but there are so many more amazing ones ahead of me.

I can see the horizon line.