twenty ninth and thirtieth.

I was looking at my calendar today and only a month in and I feel like I've already done so much this year. I really feel like I'm heading down a good road and I cannot wait to see where the year continues to take me. I have a lot of exciting things coming up in the next few months, from out of town friend's coming to visit, to a busy busy spring with Vintage Suitcase Photography.

February will go by in the blink of an eye and soon spring will be here. I absolutely love spring. We got a taste of it here yesterday with near 70 degree temps and I was in heaven. Windows down in the car, music up, and feeling inspired. I don't know what it is with that change in temperature that does something so good for my body. It's almost like a motivation drug. It just gets me all pumped up and ready to take on the world.

The taste of spring didn't last for long because well, let's get real, this is St. Louis, the same city where you could turn your heat and a/c on within a 24 hour period. And sure enough, today the temperature crashed and by the afternoon, it was chilly and windy as all get out and there were snow flurries in the air. I'll be honest, it made me sad when I woke up this morning. But then I turned on my Springtime Jam station on Pandora and got my head back in the right place.

So, with spring coming and bringing new things, I thought I'd introduce something new that I'll be doing. It kind of happened overnight, or in 12 hours actually, but I'm really excited about it. I've been debating for the past few weeks whether or not to open an Etsy store. I have a variety of creative things to offer, from paintings to prints of my own pictures, but something about that kind of stressed me out. I feel like I would get overwhelmed with potential orders and getting things in the mail and I would completely fail. Sometimes you just have to be honest with yourself, right? But I still had it floating in the back of my mind, and maybe someday I'll have the time to do that, but right now with working full time and staying on top of things otherwise, it just wasn't feasible.

And then, I offered to whip up a logo for a photographer friend who was struggling to get something that worked for her style and so I told her I would mess around with some ideas for a bit to see what I came up with. Turns out, I was pretty dang successful and I was encouraged by some other friends to pursue it more. So, I'm hoping within the next two weeks to get my Etsy Logo Shop up and running. I'll be offering custom made logos, for whatever you might need, but I think they'll cater mostly to photographers or designers. It won't be too much of a burden for me because they are digital files that I can throw together and email or send a link to a client and I won't be overwhelmed by having to physically mail something. I'm really excited about this endeavor and I hope the word travels fast!

Once everything is officially up and running, I'll make sure to make an announcement about it, but until then, here's some of what you can look forward to!

twenty eighth.

first y'all. the weather today.

incredible. i must admit i got a little giddy when i saw storm clouds forming in the sky. i have an intense love of storms. like, it's almost weird. i want to go tornado chasing. as horrible as it is otherwise, i love love love the movie twister. i get hardcore sucked into severe weather documentaries on netflix. when a storm's a brewin' you'll find me outside waiting for it all to roll in.

tomorrow it's gonna storm and i'm pretty bummed that i work in an office that has zero windows. hopefully it will still be going by the time i get off of work.

secondly, i made one of the best homemade dinners evah tonight and it was so so easy. some of you are already asking for the recipe and no joke, you'll be so giddy to see that it's crazy easy.

i've got plenty of leftovers to get me through a few lunches, and i'm pretty stoked about it. i was pretty close to eating it all tonight.

Homemade chicken and dumplings:

First I baked two large chicken breasts in the oven at 450 for about 15 minutes or until done and juicy in the center. I seasoned them with garlic salt and black pepper and brushed them with olive oil.

For the dumplings it was 2 cups of bisquick mix and 2/3 cup of milk. I seasoned the dumplings as well with the garlic salt and black pepper and then I mixed it together until it got to a doughy consistency.

I brought 4 cups of swanson chicken broth to a boil and added 1 chopped carrot and 1/2 of a white onion chopped. I then took small spoonfuls of the dumpling mix and dropped it into the broth. They expand quite a bit so if they are too big, you can break it up with a fork or spoon. I then reduced the heat to a simmer and added my chicken. Cook uncovered for 10 minutes, and then covered for another 10 and voila. Super delicious chicken and dumplings.

I had some dough left so I just dropped it on to an ungreased baking sheet and baked the drop biscuits in the oven for about 8 minutes at 450.

Seriously, super easy, super hearty and super delicious! Enjoy!

twenty fifth, sixth and seventh.

Obviously we aren't too far into the year, but I'm noticing three main themes that are sticking out to me.

-storytelling, whether I'm telling stories or I'm hearing other stories being told
-finding beauty in simplicity
-loving life for what it is now and not worrying about the future

I want to dabble in each of those areas in this blog post, especially because I have three days of posting to catch up on.

First of all, this story. Grab tissues. But trust me, you won't regret watching this. This kind of story telling, this kind of art, this is what I want to do with my photography. This is just simply beautiful beyond words.

I guess all three themes could be wrapped up into this video. Jill's story really puts so much of what we might complain about into perspective. I love her ability to see past her own scars and see herself as beautiful. It's a lesson we could all learn for ourselves, both to look at our own bodies that way, and to look at others that way. How much more beautiful would the world be if we lived out loving and being judgment free to the fullest capability?

This just got me at my core and it just inspired me to seek out stories like this, people who have found the beauty of living regardless of their personal trials and tribulations, those are the stories that need to be told.

Today, I was cleaning house and had some incense burning and I stepped into the dining room, and hit the light just perfectly and saw the smoke just floating in the room. It was a split second I had to capture it, and it was tricky, but it was so beautiful. Sometimes we try to seek out beauty and sometimes it's just right in front of your nose.

And lastly, loving life for what it is...

Friday night I had a rough evening. I was bumming about life and feeling quite alone. I was in my pajamas and in bed my 9:30. I felt pretty pathetic.

Saturday morning I woke up and decided to push all that crappy crap aside and just push on with the day and enjoy it as much as possible, and it was a really wonderful day.

First I had the opportunity to have a second round of photographing one of the most beautiful babies I know. I met up with Gabe and Rachael and photographed little Aria and she is just a doll. I loved taking her pictures, but even more I enjoyed just loving on her and holding her while she slept. I look forward to the day that I get to snuggle my own, but getting to love on little Aria was pretty wonderful.

For more pictures go visit my photography blog. I'll be getting them up tonight.

Later in the day I went out and celebrated my friend Rachel's birthday with some margaritas and dancing. Two of my favorite things.

I have not laughed in so long. And today I hurt like no other. But boy was it worth it. I'm really enjoying soaking up these moments more and I'm looking forward to even more in the future. It's such good food for the soul to just let go and have as much fun as possible and these kids know how to have fun. Dance it out people. Just dance it out.

twenty fourth.

There's a wild thing in all of us.

I have a mini Max that hangs from my rearview mirror. He's there to remind me to be me. He's there to remind me that it's okay to be wild and free. He reminds me to stay inspired. Max was a kid with a wild imagination. He felt abandoned. He felt like he wasn't heard at times. But he conquered that and had wild adventures. He met the Wild Things. Each of them with unique personalities. Each of them with fears. Each of them with hopes of their own. And Max learned to embrace them all.

That's why Max hangs from my mirror. He's a reminder that it's in my best interest to embrace everyone.

These past couple of days on top of battling a dandy little stomach bug, I've been battling a serious insecurity. I'm battling the "not good enough to make it" monster regarding my photography business.

Don't get me wrong, I love what I do. But it's a challenge. It's a saturated market of people getting their hands on a camera and becoming professionals. I'm not one to discourage people if they find something that they love doing. But it's a competitive market. It's a back in forth battle in my head and it can get overwhelming at times. When my calendar isn't completely booked up or things are running slow...it gets tricky to not get down on myself. This is where I have to be Max. This is where I have to run amuck screaming "let the wild rumpus start"and just do my thing. It's where regardless of getting paid or not I grab my camera and conquer the world and love the heck out of it. Why? Because I flipping love being a photographer. Because when I finish taking pictures half of the excitement is going home and getting to share them all with you. Because when I drive around in my car and I see a sunset I get the urge to chase it, even if it takes me down a road that I'm unfamiliar with. Because when I see the world now, I see it differently. 

And that's how I battle that monster and win, because at the end of the day I'm doing something I love more than anything. And I believe in myself. And I know that my photography will take me far. 

Be Max. Lose your inhibitions. Love wildly. Make sacrifices for the sake of the thing you love the most. Embrace those around you for everything that they are. Conquer your fears and "let the wild rumpus start".

twenty third.

Sick day.

There's a good deed in my book that says "Play Hooky", but I don't think a stomach virus counts towards playing hooky.

Blerg.

Funny that in 2 weeks I'm eligible for paid time off. Oh well. I guess I'll just have to hustle somehow.

Or I could cheat and promote my business here. C'mon, help a sister out.

Spread the word for me...pretty please.

If you put a $75 deposit down on a 2013 session with Vintage Suitcase Photography, you'll receive $50 off your session fee. This Sunday at midnight is the cutoff time to book. The session can happen any time in 2013. Starting Monday regular session fees will apply. So share with your friends and family.

I had a pretty amazing 2012 and would love to repeat that in 2013.

You can see some of my work by visiting my website...clicky link up above....or visit my Facebook Page.

I would hate to have to resort to selling vacuums door to door or being one of those annoying telemarketers who calls you during family dinners...so let's keep it real and let's keep it fun and book a session with me. You won't regret it!

twenty second.

Today I'm going to share a story with you that is not mine. It's a story I heard today while listening to my Snap Judgment podcast at work. I love this podcast because each one revolves around a theme and within that segment there are multiple stories being told that revolve around that theme.

Today, while listening, I heard this one story and it brought me to tears. Yes, I was that teary eyed fool at her desk. But take a few minutes and listen. You won't regret it.

The Story of Xiao Xiao.

I was so moved by this story because it begins with one person's commitment to love and lengths to which they will go to stick with that commitment. It's a virtue that can be hard to come by these days.

It also just continued to stir up my desire to adopt someday. I've said before that I have a goal within the next 3-5 years that even if I am not remarried, I will begin to start a family. I know that it will be a lot of responsibility, but I have confidence in myself that I could be that mom that adopts a child and raises him or her to the best of my ability. Yes, it would be extra lovely to share this adventure with a husband, but I feel reassured that this desire wasn't put on my heart for nothing, and regardless of where my life might be, that can't prevent me from having that family. I'm also reassured that I have a wonderful community that would rally around me and do everything they could to support me in my endeavor. I am not afraid of what my future holds anymore, I have this commitment to love a child and I will see that through.

What's something that you are so committed to that you would do anything to stick with that commitment? Think of every day things that you can do, maybe small things, that in the long run could amount to something significant towards staying committed to your goal.

For me, it means setting aside some income for future costs and really examining my every day choices to see where my priorities are.

Love is a powerful thing and when we commit ourselves to loving, beautiful things can come out of it. Commit yourself to loving, even when it might not be easy, or even when it means taking risks or stepping out of your comfort zone. It will be worth it.

Twenty first.

This will be short, but hopefully sweet. Having fat thumbs doesn't bode well when trying to type a blogpost from your phone.

So many of you know that I love tattoos. I got hooked. Well I'm itching to get another one, but I'm proud of myself because I haven't gotten one in months now. That's a big deal for me.

But I'm getting another one in the next couple of months and it might just be my most favorite one yet.

When I got the phone call that my Papa had been diagnosed with cancer, my world stopped. I was driving and I can remember exactly where I was. I began to hyperventilate and I had to pull over on the side of the highway. My Papa is my teddy bear. He's one of the few male figures in my life that really makes me feel treasured. He's a gentle soul who loves his family with all of his heart. He'd give anything for any one of us and he has already sacrificed so much.

The thought of losing him shook my world to pieces.

Thankfully I can say that he is all finished with his chemo and he fought and overcame. He still has health issues that he struggles with from complications from treatments, but he is still in my life and for that I am ever thankful to God.

I knew I wanted to do something tattoo wise that would represent my relationship with my Papa. There have been numerous times where he pulls me in to his arms and hugs me so tight he's almost trembling and whispers in my ear, "you'll never know how precious you are to me".

Thinking about him saying it brings me to tears.

So I've decided to get those words tattooed across my forearm in his handwriting so I will always have him near me.

When I told him about it, he chuckled and said "my handwriting is not the prettiest."

That doesn't matter, Papa. It will still be beautiful.

twentieth.

I just finished watching a documentary called Craigslist Joe. If you have Netflix, I highly recommend checking it out. The premise behind the movie is that this guy, Joe, challenges himself to live strictly off of Craigslist for 31 days. He has no food, no shelter, no money to start with. All he brings with him are the clothes on his back and his laptop, a cell phone, and toothbrush and toothpaste. His goal is try and find food and shelter and possibly hitch rides over this period of time. More than just the logistics behind using Craigslist to achieve these daily needs, the movie becomes more about the human experience surrounding his adventures. He starts in LA and makes it all the way across the country to New York and back.

I feel such a strong connection to movies like this and I think it's because I am drawn to the human experience. I love stories. I could sit for hours in a crowded airport and just imagine what someone's story is. I think that's why having a family is so important to me because I love the idea of leaving a legacy or leaving a story behind for someone to tell.

Even in my family there are so many wonderful stories to tell. Like my Grandma and Grandpa Hanson. I want to know more of their story. But what I know of them is that they were warm, loving people who lived along River Des Peres and shared many adventures together. They were cruise experts. My Grandma Hanson was a doll.  Even when we would visit her in the nursing home, she was a hoot. She always had a new story of a new crush from the home, Gary across the hall, or Jack from Bingo the other night, and she always had her hair done and her nails done. Though by the end her hair was a wee bit on the neon orange side, she was always making a statement and so I remember her for that.

Sometimes we tend to lose faith in humanity. From small circumstances like the person who cuts you off in traffic to the more tragic moments like what recently happened in Connecticut. It gets hard to believe that people think of anyone other than themselves. It can be a self gratifying, me first kind of world that we are a part of.

In those moments where my heart breaks over the state of things, I dig deep for those moments that proclaim the beauty of humanity. Many of those experiences revolve around those times I spent in other countries. I went on a volunteer basis, and you are prepared to give, but the thing that you always come away with, always, is that you received more than you gave. You learned more than you could ever teach. You were blessed more than you were able to bless others.

There was a boy at the orphanage in Burkina, who is now a handsome young man, named Achille. Achille is a dwarf. Already in society it's hard to function and feel normal with this kind of condition, and that's in developed countries. In Burkina he was treated as if he was possessed by some demon. His family literally believed he was cursed and so they banned him from human contact with the rest of the family. He was separated from his parents and siblings and banned to a shed where he was fed the scraps that even the dogs probably received more of. When it was discovered by Ruth, the amazing woman who runs the orphanage, that this was happening, she insisted that they take him in. Imagine yourself in this situation. How many of us would be bitter and resentful? How many of us would hold anger in our hearts for the remainder of our lives? How many of us would never trust another human soul? How many of us would always be afraid?

Achille is a beautiful soul. His language development was so far behind that he might as well have been  taking classes with the preschoolers. He had never had any kind of loving human contact before in his life. Yet he persevered. He worked hard in school. He was appreciative. He was grateful. He was a tender soul. He was so so loving. And now he's a wonderful young man, and I would love to go back to Burkina and thank him. Thank him for teaching me the beauty of perseverance, of forgiveness, of resilience and of unconditional love.

Achille probably has no idea that he taught me so much. He was just being Achille.

Achille is down in front in the yellow shirt. (This is when I bought them all new shoes.)

So when it's hard to believe in someone, just remember all of the times that it may have been hard for someone to believe in you. Remember that we all have stories, we all have tragedies, we all have faults and failures, but we all have the ability to exude beauty, perseverance, grace and forgiveness. We all have the ability to dig deep down within ourselves and fight the battles that bring us down and come out on top, shining.

The human spirit is a beautiful thing. So let your story be told. And listen to other people's stories. It may change your life.

nineteenth.

Today, my goal was to set out and get some fresh air and take my trusty camera along for the ride. I'd say that was accomplished.

I have this itch to want to live somewhere else for a bit. You know, the ocean...the mountains...just to get a taste of something new. But I have this feeling that there's this side of me that will always be drawn back home. I gotta give it up for the STL. We really have an awesome city. The best, I mean, the best sports fans. Going to opening day at Busch Stadium is like a spiritual experience. Nerd alert. I get teary eyed when the clydesdales come out and take their lap around the field. (Sidenote: this year's opening day will not be the same without Stan the Man Musial. Rest in peace, baseball heaven will miss you.)

On top of having amazing fans. We have so many great things to see and do that are for free. That's right F-R-E-E. Zoo? Free. Art Museum? Free. Science Center? Free. Laumeier Sculpture Park? Free. Even places that charge usually, they have time slots that if you go then, it's free. Like the Botanical Gardens. One of the most beautiful places I've ever been. The japanese garden is so serene.

The food. Don't even get me started. My parents always talk about this. We find out about great restaurants from places like Sauce Magazine, create a list, and then try and knock them off the list. But the part that sucks is that none of these restaurants suck, so we have TOO many places to choose from. And if we go back to one we like, we're leaving out a bunch of new places to try.

We have so many unique neighborhoods. The Loop. Central West End. Maplewood. Kirkwood. Tower Grove. Cherokee Street. It's endless.

The winters might be occasionally cruddy, and the summers hot and humid, but we have handfuls of microbreweries to choose from to pop a squat, grab a cold beer and watch a good Cardinal's game to escape from the heat.

And now that I've practically given a Yelp Review for the city of St. Louis, how about I share some of what I did today. Ice carnival in the loop. Awesome. A little unseasonably warm, so the ice sculptures were melting quick, but all around good time. Then Soulard. Oh Soulard. The farmer's market, Mardi Gras preparation, too many delicious restaurants to choose from.

Thank you "global warming" for this taste of spring. I needed the fresh air and Vitamin D something fierce.

eighteenth.

Today's post won't be too incredibly exciting. Tomorrow the weather is going to be gorgeous for January and I have plans to go on a camera adventure, so tomorrow's post will be lots of fun.

Tonight I'm gonna keep it fairly simple and answer 20 questions about myself or life in general. And they will be random.

Do you like fish sticks?
Ew. No. I was never the kid to refuse to eat my dinner. But once my mom made me eat fish sticks. I told her I would barf if I had to eat them. Oh boy did I barf. She never made me eat them again.

What is your favorite cheese?
Seriously? My favorite cheese? Could the answer be all? All kinds of cheese. But top three? Goat cheese, fresh mozzarella, and gorgonzola.

Favorite mythical creature?
Unicorn. Although, part of me believes there's nothing mythical about them. They emulate magic and wonder and that's why I love them.

Waffles or Pancakes?
My mom makes killer pumpkin pancakes. So pancakes win.

How many of this year's Best Picture Oscar nominees have you seen?
Out of the 9, I have seen 2. Les Miserables and Beasts of the Southern Wild. I really want to see Lincoln, Silver Linings Playbook and Life of Pi.

Do you miss anyone right now?
Yes. I miss Lisamarie. My best friend lives in Encinitas, California currently and I'm afraid I'll never get her back. I wouldn't blame here for staying in California though. Hello, it's beautiful there.

Five random things that make me happy?
Old men laughing.  Holding hands. Brightly colored lipstick. Turning the radio on in the car and the song you were hoping to hear comes on right away. Sifting through treasures at an antique mall.

If you could move somewhere else, where would you move?
Top of the list? Asheville, NC. (see earlier post about that one.) Portland, OR or somewhere in the PNW, and then if I was dreaming really big...Saint Lucia.

What items could you not go without during the day?
My iPhone, chapstick, and good quality music to shake my booty to.

Do you think too much or too little?
Too much. Definitely.

What would your last meal be before being executed?
A heaping plate full of Party Potato Casserole.

What did you dream about last night?
I believe I had a dream that I became president of My Little Pony land. Don't ask.

Would you ever get plastic surgery?
If a breast reduction counts as plastic surgery, then yes. These bajongas are so uncomfortable.

What is your favorite cereal?
I have a totally plain jane favorite: Raisin Bran, and then a kid favorite: Lucky Charms...but I just want a bowl full of the marshmallows thank you.

What's the farthest you've ever been from your home?
That would be Burkina Faso, West Africa.

Favorite type of shoe?
I love love love ballet flats. But over all, I'm a huge fan of being barefoot. So the closest thing to that is flip flops.

What CD is currently in your CD player?
My car has a 6 CD changer, so the 6 CDs are the two Mumford and Sons albums, Bon Iver,  Foster the People, Florence and the Machine and Feist.

Do you sleep on your side, stomach or back?
I sleep like a crazy person. I sleep in the fetal position with a million pillows. I have to hug something while I sleep.

If you could have lunch with a celebrity, dead or alive, who would you eat lunch with?
Emma Stone. I would spend the whole time convincing her how much she needs to be my BFF. I love her.

Nicknames you go by?
Auj, Aud, Opie, Birdie and Arty are the most common ones.

seventeenth.

Write a letter to yourself in the future and stash it away.

I kind of chuckled when I saw this good deed today. It reminded me of a scene from The Office where Jim pulls a prank on Dwight and faxes him messages from "Future Dwight".

Dear Dwight,

Someone will poison the coffee at 8 am. Do not drink the coffee. Further instructions to follow.

Cordially,
Future Dwight

Then Stanley walks in the room with a fresh cup of coffee and Dwight lunges across the room and swipes the coffee out of his hand.

Hopefully no one poisons my coffee in the future. Good thing I don't drink a lot of coffee.

Dear Audrey,

It's currently the beginning of 2013 and as far as you are concerned that means a fresh start. 2012 was a doozy. Hopefully you read this now and things are very different for you. Hopefully this time in your life will just be a blip on the radar in the grand scheme of things. But I want to remind you of a few things you learned this year, lest you forget later on.

1.) You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. In the past the person you've been afraid of the most and believed in the least is yourself. There's no reason for that.
2.) You're not boring. You're not dull. There's plenty of unique things about you that make people gravitate towards you. You're incredibly creative. You have passions in your life and you're committed to seeing your dreams of becoming a full time photographer come to fruition. Don't let anyone ever convince you again that you don't care about anything.
3.) It might hurt, but all in all, just be honest. To others and mostly to yourself.
4.) You're intelligent. You may not have a college degree (hey maybe you do now...) but that does not define your intelligence and your ability to achieve success.
5.) People love you. Genuinely. We all make mistakes. It's part of life. But having made mistakes does not prevent people from loving and caring for you.
6.) You're a dreamer. And that's okay.
7.) You're faithful. You're patient. You're forgiving. So many times you could have thrown in the towel and handled things differently. But you loved. And you gave your all the best you knew how. Don't beat yourself up.

Love yourself the best you can and then love others until it hurts.
Audrey

"There's a wild thing in all of us." -Maurice Sendak

fifteenth and sixteenth

This post is going to be about being alone. But don't be fooled. It's not a sad, sappy, feel bad for me kind of post. It's the empowering, feel good kind of post.

I have become quite accustomed to being and doing things alone for awhile now. Yeah, sometimes it's not ideal. Morning's like today it'd be nice to have someone to start up my car and scrape the ice off my windshield while I pack my lunch for work. This Saturday night it'd be nice to have someone to accompany me to a dinner with some co-workers. Having "someone" obviously has its benefits and someday I hope to have "someone" again.

But for now I'm really learning to rock the me time.

Last year, early in the spring, maybe even before winter was over, the weather was immaculate and I was itching to get out and do something.  I grabbed my camera and went on the first of my many adventures I've learned to love. I went downtown and took pictures of everything under the sun. I had a blast. I didn't feel any kind of pressure to hurry, or to move along, or to not do every little thing I wanted to do that day. I could be that ridiculous person who laid in the grass just to get the shot I was looking for. I grabbed a hot dog from a vendor on the street and continued on my merry way. When I was ready to eat dinner, I felt like I had hit the jackpot. I had all of these wonderful restaurants in front of me to choose from. After going into a few places and seeing that the wait was too long I found a wonderful place called Mango, which is this amazing Peruvian place on Locust.

I grabbed a seat at the bar and it took a minute for someone to approach me. Finally a bartender came up and said "Is anyone joining you?" and I responded with a polite "No, it's just me. Thank you."

And then what he said next kind of struck me.

"Oh, I'm sorry."

There was no need to be sorry. I didn't feel sorry for myself. I was having a wonderful day.

I told him "Hey, no need to feel bad for me. I've had a wonderful day doing whatever I've felt like doing, and now I can eat whatever I feel like because I'm not on an awkward date worried about spending too much of this other person's money. I can eat as much as I want without feeling like a fatty. And I don't have to try and hold an awkward conversation that I don't feel like having."

He had a big grin on his face and said "I like your attitude."

Then I proceeded to eat one of the tastiest dinners I have ever eaten in my life.

The silver lining. It's good to keep your eye on that.

Even since then, I feel like I've come a long long way.

It's empowering to do things alone every once in awhile.

Go see a movie by yourself. Go to the park and take a walk by yourself. Breathe deeply. Go to that restaurant you've always wanted to try but you have a hard time dragging someone else there.

Saturday, the weather is going to be warmer on Saturday. So I'm taking my camera and having an adventure. I'm really looking forward to it.

Have "me time" and love it.

And that's all there is to say about that.

fourteenth.

make believe.

ok. this should be fun.

this is my life in make believe.

I live here.

This is Asheville, North Carolina. It is pure perfection as far as I'm concerned. Tucked in the mountains of North Carolina, busy enough for the city girl side of me, but secluded enough for that hint of country mouse I have. Streets lined with unique restaurants, kitschy little shops with random knick knacks and microbreweries left and right.

I live in a 3 bedroom house on a quiet little street that is just a 10 minute walk from all the action. My husband and I met at a restaurant while I was visiting NC for a photographers workshop. After a year of long distance dating, I packed up my business and moved to North Carolina. We married a few months later and live here with our two children, Piper Jane and Oliver. Piper Jane being our biological daughter, and Oliver having been adopted from Haiti. Our home is colorful, filled with laughter, music is always playing, and we are always challenging ourselves to try new foods. Our home is an eclectic mix of vintage thrift finds and repurposed elements that give it a stylish, but lived in look.

Our bedroom.

Piper Jane's room.

Oliver's bedroom (yes my son will have a robot nursery.)

Our kitchen (Told you it would be colorful.)

I want my living room to have lots of natural light. I don't like feeling like I live in a cave.

I will have my own space for my photography business and it will reflect my personality and what I want my business to be about, the joy of everyday life.

My clients will be welcome in my home and they will be treated as family or friends. We will laugh and chat about little things, but in the grand scheme of things, we will make connections.

I of course will be doing photography full time while also being a stay at home mom and my husband will have some job in finance or business or marketing of some sorts...(because I need someone a little left brained to keep me in line and balance me.) He will have a creative outlet too though and we will share the joy of being a part of each other's lives. He'll assist me here and there on photo shoots and I'll be his muse for his woodworking projects.

In the summers we will take the time to meet up with my brother and his wife and we will travel together down to the island of St. Lucia where my parents have "retired".  We all know that they never stop working. ;) Dad is running a successful recording studio that caters both to locals and people vacationing on the island, and mom is part of a committee that works to restore historical homes around the island.

This is also the island where my husband and I were married, so returning always brings back great memories.

We spend two weeks there and enjoy time with the locals, go snorkeling, and have backyard barbecues where we grill the finest of fish, fresh from the sea.

Far fetched? Maybe.

But the whole point was to make believe. It's pretty dang good isn't it? Mister Rogers taught me a thing or two about make believe as a kid.

It was fun to step outside of reality for a bit and put all this together. 

Thanks for joining me in my make believe world. 

twelfth and thirteenth.

I got behind. Instead of blogging last night I was watching the Packers lose miserably at my friends Mike and Rachel's house (sorry Mike) and dancing to Gangnam Style. Priorities people.

So I have two days of good deeds to catch up on. Two totally awesome days filled with photo shoots, dancing, friend time and laughing with family.

Let me say that I am not ashamed to bust a move in the car. My "jam" comes on and I'm in the zone. I'm also not afraid to bust a move in my home. Having all this space to myself means I can dance my way through the house and choreograph wonderful routines to awesome songs on Pandora. And my neighbors can see it all. I'm probably the coolest kid on the block.

Yesterday, my good deed was to play your favorite song as loud as you could.

I have many favorite songs currently. I have a playlist on my Spotify called "Get Pumped" because that's what I need from time to time. It's a mix of Ellie Goulding, The Lumineers, Rihanna and my current favorite Macklemore.

Which brings me to my favorite current song. Fair warning, the F bomb is dropped.

I'm pretty sure I'm about 5 moves away from choreographing a whole routine for it. And no I will not videotape that and share it publicly.

Macklemore: Thrift Shop

Tell me you wouldn't find yourself booty poppin to that song. Seriously.

On to today's good deed.

Think big and then think bigger.

When I started getting into photography almost 4 years ago then it just began as any other hobby. I was baking cakes. I was crocheting. I was painting.

Then I started discovering that photography allowed me to see the world in a different light. It was my way of telling stories. Of course, my dream is to some day do photography full time, but more than that I just want to continue to tell stories with my images. I want to live a life that captures all the beautiful stories that exist in the world.

The story of the couple who have been through decades of trials and changes and have a beautiful love for one another that could barely be captured in a photo. But to have a memory of that so their story can be told to future generations, I want to be a part of that.

I have this friend, and I hope that she doesn't mind if I share her here, but she is a beautiful human being. Nik is one of the most talented photographers I know. And the funny thing is, I've never met her in real life. Every time Nik posts a new photo I feel like I've stepped into someone's story. Whether its her own or the sweet man sitting on his front stoop doing his weekend crossword puzzle. She captures the beauty of life. She reminds me that I don't always need to strive for perfection and technical soundness in every single image. Because when is life technically sound? When is everything in focus? When is it perfection? It's not.

Life is still a beautiful story to be told, and she tells beautiful stories with her images.

So this challenge to dream, and then dream bigger, is a challenge to myself to tell stories more.

Bring my camera to more family events. Capture the sweet love between my Nana and Papa. Or the silliness of a small child scarfing down birthday cake.

Go on adventures. Walk the streets of the city. Encounter people and ask them to tell me their story.

Be more bold. Be more daring. Don't be limited by my insecurities.

My biggest dream would be to travel the world and capture stories of those who might not get the chance to have their stories told. The man in Burkina who leaves every day at 4 am to go work the rice fields to feed his family.

The woman in Cambodia who fought for her life to get out of sexual slavery and get an education and become something greater than what her society provides for her.

The child in Japan who lost his home and family in the Tsunami but continues to educate himself and care for his little sister.

Those stories are out there and I want to take my camera and tell them.

Dream bigger.

eleventh.

I'm late by 5 minutes. By the time I'm done writing this, it could be 15 or 20. But oh well.

I'm pulling a picture out of the archives for today's post. One, because I love it, and two because I didn't take any pictures today.

My pops. I love this picture of us. Yes, it's from my wedding day. Still, this picture means so much to me (thank you Lisa Hessel).

I love my Dad. We are the same person, I'm obviously just a girl version of him. We stay up too late. We get sucked in to goofy YouTube channels. We love watching shows about wives who go bsc and devise secret plans to take out their husbands (my mom calls this the Death and Destruction channel). We overcommit to projects and we have a hard time saying no to people. Creativity seeps from our pores...as does sweat...hooray for dad's sweat genes. :) We're sensitive. We find solace in cracking a joke...or in dad's case cracking an extra long joke that takes a whole car ride to get to the punch line of.

This past year it was so wonderful to have those moments where I needed someone to confide in and going to my dad just made me breathe a huge sigh of relief. He gets me.

When I talk to my mom it's like talking to the rational side of myself that has a hard time making an appearance, which is why I really value my relationship with my mother, because she's good at bringing organization and common sense into my life.

My dad has a way of communicating with me as if I were talking to myself...kind of like in an "uh duh Audrey, kind of way." Not condescending, just, c'mon girl you got this.

Something he once said to me stuck with me and when I feel overwhelmed I remember his advice:

All this mess in my life seems like one big messy, tangled up ball of yarn, but it won't disappear if I try and attack the ball of yarn as a whole. I have to start with one string, tug at it, and work on that, and soon enough I'll see that my yarn ball is disappearing.

This whole post I guess was to share my one good deed of the day...which is tell your dad what it is that makes him so special to you. But there's not just one thing, there's a whole book full of wonderful things that makes my dad special.

Or rather, there's like this giant ball of yarn of great things that my dad is to me, but I can only really explain it one little string at a time. I love you Pops. Thank you for being my friend.

And I've said this before, but I want to thank you for being a shining example of a committed and loving father, and even more a committed and loving husband. Seeing the way that you and mom love each other and live life is so encouraging and something to be admired. As a kid you think "ew, gross, mom and dad love each other". But now I realize the beauty of it. You're teaching me so many things by living out your life and your marriage the way you are.

tenth.

today's one good deed was to simply laugh.

i needed a good laugh today. last night i spoke to j for the first time since before christmas. it's always hard because it always smacks you with a bit of reality. it distracted my mind and all day today i was off somewhere else. so laughing was the best medicine for me today.

and i had a hearty laugh tonight after this happened. i'm still chuckling.

sometimes the most treasured moments in life are the accidental ones. this photo below is nowhere near technically sound at all. but i absolutely find it amazing. i was trying to capture a sweet picture of me and my beloved fifi mae. and then, just seconds before i clicked the shutter, she farted. and dude it was rank. but here we have this hysterical, but treasured moment between me and my little rascal of a cat that i now have forever.

ninth.

I try to set realistic goals for myself as far as what I'm going to accomplish when I come home from work.

And then there are nights like tonight where I say...yeah...ummm, no.

I had grand visions of making Lemon Chicken Orzo for dinner.

Here's how it turned out.

Yep. That was some deeeee-licious Lemon Chicken Orzo.

It just wasn't happening tonight. I had red box movies to return and so I took a different route home tonight and that was a total fail. First it was a train, stopped dead on the tracks. Then it was the longest time I've ever spent at a light. I literally sat through 5 light cycles before I had the chance to turn right and go where I needed to. 15 minutes at one light.

I came home and was irritated and I didn't want to spend half of my night diving into a new recipe. I'll save it for the weekend and maybe a friend will come over and enjoy dinner with me.

Feet are up. Glass of wine in hand. And while I'm going to get some work done still for the photo biz....I'm glad that I can veg out on the couch.

How apropos that today's "One Good Deed" is this:

Take off your cranky pants.

So, pajama pants are on and cranky pants are off. I'm happy to be home. I'm happy to have a belly filled with grilled cheese and red wine....and I'm actually looking forward to putting up some really awesome stuff for my business tonight. You should totally swing by there sometime tonight too.

eighth.

Tell your mom your favorite memory you have of her.

I consider myself blessed in many areas of my life, but I would say that hands down, I have been blessed with the most amazing family. Anyone who knows me, knows that my family is my top priority in my personal life.

I treasure the relationship I have with my parents, so to begin to pull memories out and tell stories, well we could be here all night.

I can honestly say that I don't ever remember having an "omg I hate my mom, she's so embarrassing phase". Because, you know, my mom is pretty flipping awesome and she's always been awesome. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before.

We Zumba together. We go on vacations together. We go out to eat at new places together. We simply have lots of fun.

I have a huge amount of respect for my mom. She's worked her ass off (pardon my french) to be able to be where she is today and I couldn't be more proud of her. In the past few years I've had plenty of things on my plate that could be pretty disappointing when presenting them to your mom, but now more than ever before I know that my mom is one of my loudest cheering fans for Team Audrey. The ways that she supports me might be small and quiet to her, but they speak volumes to me. She's just really been wonderful at accepting me for the strange, off the wall, creative, sometimes...no a lot of times, don't have my crap together daughter that I am.

So, onto one of my favorite memories. Not just one stands out.

Many moons ago, my mom and I took a road trip up to Cedarburg, Wisconsin. It was a tiny, quaint, comfy little town with a cobblestone road down the center. The main road was dotted with a few bed and breakfasts, homey little antique stores that smell of cinnamon and spice when you walk in, and this oh so wonderful candy shop that sold the most amazing candy apples. I got one covered in M&Ms and she got one covered in nuts. We were there for a scrapbooking get together with a bunch of adorable women who echoed "oh yah fer shures" in the middle of conversations. We stayed up late and laughed and I tried to take a bubble bath in the jacuzzi tub and I forgot to let the water fill up to a certain point and so the jets sprayed everywhere. Ooops.

The whole weekend was pretty memorable. We stopped on the way home to look at Lake Michigan and came back to the car and our tire had been slashed. So after trying her hardest to change the tire herself and battling with a rusted lug nut, we resorted to asking a kind stranger help us. A very kind, very handsome, very muscular man in roller blades, that is. He even left his roller blades on to change the tire. Ay yay yay.

The most memorable part of the weekend though was when I made a little friend. We went to a little shop and I met eyes with the most adorable teddy bear puppet. I couldn't leave him there. I hinted that I wanted to take him home, but we had to part, and as I left his sad eyes just stared at me and I was heartbroken.

Mom knew though. She wouldn't let us part for long. And a few months later she surprised me with my Oakley Bear and I still have him and I still love him just as much. (Back off and put away the haterade)

So Mom, thank you for remembering the little ways to cheer me up. Thank you for showing me love in huge ways when you might think they were small. You are wonderful.

seventh.

She looks tired, doesn't she?

Well she should be, she spent all day SLEEPING.

Oh to be a cat for a day. (minus the licking your own butt part.)

Today was a jam packed day. Did the usual 9-5:30 work gig, was super busy all day long, then after work I went to my first Zumba class of the year with my mom. We took it for a long while in the evenings together, but then both of our instructors cancelled their evening classes so we were left stranded. Sad times. Thankfully we have another instructor who has a Monday night class and now we are back on the Zumba train.

It's my favorite way to work out. Sexy dancing for an hour that burns hella calories.

Then after that I went over to my lovely friend Rachel's house to one, see her place (she recently got married) and two, play an awesome dance game on her kinect with some of our friends. We battled it out. Rachel showed off her pineapple moves, I rocked the wednesday night move and Maria and Anna put up a good fight, but the DC crew came in with a strong finish. It was a riot and it was such a good workout too.

My body will be thanking me tomorrow. (insert nervous laughter.)

So, I have this goal in mind as far as weight loss goes. Touché beginning of the year exercise train, right?  But seriously. I have a friend coming to St. Louis who is a phenom photographer, I mean phenom. Other than having fun filled days of awesome (she'll be here on my bday!!) I'm booking a session with her.

Some may ask, well, what will you use the pictures for? Um, me. Because I want to feel good about myself.

I'm sure I could rock it as is, but I want to be super confident and kick ass during the shoot, so I have a goal of losing 20lbs by then. That's four months. 5lbs a month. I can do it.

Losing weight can be overwhelming for me...and really everyone, so I'm setting small weekly goals for myself to help achieve my large goal. That way the weight of the large goal doesn't stress me out each day.

This week my 2 exercise/fitness related goals were:
Drink 8 glasses of water a day
Workout 4 times.

I rocked the 8 glasses of water today...and visited the ladies room quite a bit. Ello, tiny bladder.

I'm 2 workouts in this week...(tonight's could have counted for two...but I'll keep pushing.)

I know that I can do this and I don't want to do it to prove it to anyone but myself. All in all I want to lose about 30-35lbs, but I gotta start somewhere.

And ironically enough, today's "good deed" was to drink 8 glasses of water. Check!

I'm wiped out. I'm gonna snuggle with my FifiMae and watch the newest episode of Downton Abbey...EEEEEEK!

Until tomorrow. :)