When you can't hold yourself up anymore.

That feeling of not being able to catch your breath. That moment when you can't pick yourself up off the floor. The times you have to pull over on the road because the tears in your eyes are clouding your ability to drive safely.

All very familiar things in the beginning of it all. It almost becomes part of your daily existence. 

Then there's time. They say time heals all wounds. I'd like to know who "they" are. They were wrong. Everything starts to scab over and heal, every once in awhile it itches and nags at you, but you ignore it...and then crash...the bandage rips off and there you are completely vulnerable again to all the pain and frustration you had done so well to separate yourself from.

I had my suspicions for so long, but it's in my nature to just trust or even just let it go, but what's worse than finding out that you were right, is the kick in the gut when you feel like you've been treated like a lesser human being, like an idiot.

Seeing the words "This homewrecker is in a relationship with your soon to be ex-husband" (obviously not really what it says) pierced me in the side deeper than I thought it would. It just confirmed everything that I already knew deep in my heart, but also exposed that everything I was told wouldn't ever happen, did. 

Listen. I figured it was inevitable that these two would end up together. I mean, hell, he moved in with her. At a certain point I had come to a settlement in my own heart that that's how it was going to be. What was insulting to me was how he tried to brush it under the rug. JUST TELL ME THE TRUTH.

Tell me it was always her you preferred to be with. Tell me that those weekend trips to see her weren't just because you wanted to go out of town. Tell me that when you said to her that you loved her that you meant you loved her, like the way you once loved me...or convinced me that you did.

I'm more angry than anything else. Like you've been living under this guise that it doesn't affect me anymore, or that by avoiding the truth, all the pain would just go away. Well you were wrong. 

You promised yourself to me. You said through thick and thin. And our thin was too much to handle and so it ended. And it was enough to have to heal from that, but to know that you are now spending your daily life with the one I said you needed to let go of to save our marriage. You chose her over me.

And now while you share your life with your so-called friend I am left to go at life alone. When I've had a horrible day, I don't get to come home to anyone. I was supposed to be coming home to you. When I've had a long day at work and I don't really feel like cooking dinner, I was supposed to have you as back up to throw a pizza in the oven or offer to take me out to dinner. When I see a new restaurant in town, I was supposed to be able to share the experience with you, not alone. When I go to family dinners for Thanksgiving, it was supposed to be six of us. Mom and Dad, AJ and Shauna, me and you. But now I'm the fifth wheel while you enjoy the comforts of sharing your holidays with someone you care about and her share it with her family. 

I have so many things I want to say to you. You have no idea, no idea at all, the emotional turmoil you've put me through. 

While you get to cozy up to her at night, I lie awake thinking about tackling another day by myself. Trying to figure out how to glue these broken pieces back together enough that I could let someone love me again in the future. If I get that opportunity.

I'm not supposed to be saying if. It was supposed to be me and you. Me and you.

I've tried my damndest for over two years to be strong. To just accept that this is my life now. To embrace this life that I've been thrown into. It hasn't been without its really really horrible moments but overall I've done well. 

Today I felt like I was back at the beginning of it all and I am so angry at you.

You being with her is not the issue. It's you not having enough respect for me to just tell it like it is. 

I have to stop before I say something I don't want to say. Well, I want to say it, but I probably shouldn't.

let the beauty we love, be what we do.

I have that saying plastered all over my life. On my desk at work, on my wall at home, and soon on my arm in the form of a tattoo.

In the past few months, in the time I've completely forgotten that this blog existed, a lot has changed in my life and it's all been for the better. At the beginning of October I fulfilled a very big dream of mine and moved downtown into the Artist's Lofts building off of Locust.

Being here has been one of the best decisions I've made for myself. I've always been a city girl. I love being able to walk out the door and experience life right in my neighborhood. Being around all the action of city life really inspires me and motivates me with my photography business. Being a part of a community of artists is an added bonus as well. I've really enjoyed taking the spare moments, which are rare right now, to just walk around my neighborhood and enjoy life, whether that's spending the morning at the finish line cheering on strangers after they run a half marathon, or pulling up to the bar at Bailey's Range and sipping on some Strawberry Boozy Lemonade while taking in all the people around me. I thrive in places like these. For me, feeling lonely is not an option or a place I want to be, so I take into my own hands my ability to just enjoy life for what it is each day.

One of my last posts on this blog was about the weekend visit by Nik and Rob during my birthday and it's been so long since I've posted that she's come to visit again and headed back to Pennsylvania today.

I had mentioned in passing how I wanted to see her again and so I suggested, semi-not serious, that she should come to St. Louis and help me second shoot a wedding. Next thing I know, the ticket is booked and she's heading back my way. Cue the excitement.

Having her here was so needed in so many ways. Don't get me wrong, I can rock the flying solo thing like no other, but like any normal human being we all crave company at times. Sometimes it's just nice to share the day to day with another human being. Other than the excitement of shooting a wedding we did pretty average things but it was very meaningful to me to have her here with me. She accompanied me to the courthouse (multiple times) so I could file my divorce paperwork and just the simplicity of her tagging along made the anxiety of that whole experience far lower than it would have been had I done it alone. 

We did share some damn good meals together though, and I feel that's always one of the best ways to show someone the STL. Chai and waffles at Melt, tacos and guacamole at Mission Taco, Burgers and Boozy lemonades at Baileys Range (ok it's kind of my favorite), yellow curry from Sen Thai, and a late night run to Imo's for some veggie pizza. 

I think the biggest benefit of the whole weekend of having her here was the quality time we had together just having heart to heart moments. The circumstances in which we became friends are kind of rare, meeting on an online photo board ya know, and so sometimes it does seem surreal when I get to have her encouraging me in my own living room. Like my brain sometimes can't wrap itself around the awesomeness of it all. Something about this chick, we just connect on a really deep level that I really feel lucky to have. It's a rare thing these days to have people who encourage you, push you and tell you they believe in you and really truly mean it. 

Nikki is a tell it like it is, no holds barred type of gal and that is a gift. I need people in my life who push me to believe in myself and won't allow me to make excuses for myself. I think more than anything after this weekend she's really just encouraged me and convinced me that if I want happiness in my life I have to take matters into my own hands. I'm not here to perform for anyone else. If there's something in life that I want, I have to take the steps to get there. My happiness is my own responsibility. Seeing my dreams come to fruition, that's in my hands. 

These things don't just apply to my photography business, but to my personal life in such a significant way. I've spent so much of my life keeping up appearances for other people, worrying too much about how other people perceive me, being afraid of disappointing people and it's turned into such wasted energy. I don't want to get burnt out on exhausting my efforts for the sake of what everyone else "thinks" of me.

So here's to my happiness. Here's to a life full of being fulfilled. Here's to making the simple things beautiful. 

Nik, you're the shit. Thanks for being the shit. And here's to many more years of booty shaking, beer drinking, photo loving friendship.

Dust to Dust

I said earlier that I would probably take the time to blog about a song that really stood out to me today, and after realizing how neglected this blog has been, I thought it was the right time to get out some of what I've been experiencing lately.

If you were to ask me what my top 5 favorite bands/musicians are, The Civil Wars would be in that group. I've seen them live twice, had the pleasure of meeting Joy Williams and the experience altogether was incredible. There's something to be praised about a duo who can produce such beautiful music with the simplicity of their own voices and a guitar (and sometimes a piano). The stage presence that these two offered to you was on a level of being able to feel every single word that they sang. They communicated with one another through their eyes, through the way that Joy would reach out her hand to John Paul as they sang Poison and Wine, through the raw and powerful abandon of their voices.

The interesting thing about this duo is that their name is pretty descriptive of their current state of existence. The Civil Wars. Something has occurred between them that has caused some discord, and though I don't really care to speculate, it does break my heart that these two are not on speaking terms. But at the same time, it makes the songs that they have written and sang that much more authentic. These two don't just perform, they tell stories with their songs.

I've been a fan of them since the very beginning. I have multiple references to their songs tattooed on my body. The first concert that I went to, I stood there at this concert venue in Chicago with my cousin, tears streaming down my face as they sang "I don't have a choice, but I still choose you." I have those lyrics tattooed across my shoulders. People ask me repeatedly if I regret getting that tattoo, because it references my relationship with my soon to be ex-husband. And the answer is no, I don't regret it. If I had the opportunity, I would still choose him. I love him and I always will.

This might dumbfound some of you who know me well enough or know my situation. I never wanted my relationship to result in divorce, but after a certain point it isn't really something I could prevent. You can push and pray and fight and try all you want, but if the other half isn't in it, then you are left high and dry.

The Civil Wars have a new album debuting next week, which I pre-ordered months ago and will arrive at my door on August 6th and I had the opportunity to listen to it in its entirety online today. I've heard bits and pieces of the various songs but I was really able to soak in the experience of it today. As I was listening to it, I felt like they were inside my head. And that's why I respect them so much, because they have the ability to tell the stories of those of us who struggle so much to tell our own.

I feel like all in all I have come out on top in my situation. It still is a daily struggle. It's difficult to feel that the future you envisioned with someone is vanishing before your eyes. I have come to accept that it is what it is, but I won't lie, the pain still lingers.

I watched the video today for "The One That Got Away" and like I described earlier, seeing the angst and the visible pain between Joy and John Paul brought back a physical memory of the heaviness of those 9 months. Living with someone who you were once madly in love with, and who was in love with you, and now walking in the door and he's just a stranger, it's one of the most painful things in the world. It's almost like experiencing a death, because you had a life together, you had a future planned, and it was being stripped away before my eyes.

I slept in the same bed as him, but there was a physical barrier between us. The man who once wanted nothing but to hold me in his arms in the same space, it was like a magnetic field was separating us. The man who I said goodbye to as he boarded a plane for St. Louis and I stayed in Central America was now the man I am having to say goodbye to permanently.

I know that I have my whole life ahead of me, and everyone tells me I have plenty of time to fall in love again. I don't doubt that. I try my hardest not to dwell on the past too much, but I can't help but have these feelings and emotions come up out of me still. The papers are all together and though it seems like it's been a century of dealing with this struggle, it will all be over in a split second. And it is sad. 

I miss sharing my life with someone. Though I am known for my ability to enjoy life and venture out solo, I am just not the type who prefers to do these things alone. I feel like my life is meant to be shared with someone, and I wanted so badly to share it with him. It just won't be that way. I hope that he finds happiness. I hope that he knows I forgive him.

It is hard though, to watch my future disappear before my eyes. It is somewhat terrifying. Because I feel like I am venturing out on all new territory and doing it alone is not how I had envisioned it. I know that God will see me through, and I know that I am stronger for all the pain and doubt and disbelief that I have experienced.

I can hold my head high today and say that this experience did not defeat me. If anything, it revealed who I am to myself, my strengths, my weaknesses, my passions, my hopes and my fears. I know these things about myself and I can forage on with more strength than I had a year ago.

I have this mantra that I tell myself almost daily. It will be my next tattoo. (Sorry Mom.) But when all of this began and I was feeling scared and alone, I wrote on my mirror with some red lipstick, "I am beautiful, I am capable, I am strong." And those words are true. I hope to bring to a marriage someday what I had hoped to offer to him, but I will be stronger, and more confident because of where I have come from.  Until then I push on and approach each day with a heart of thankfulness, for grace in my life, for forgiveness and for the beauty that I see in every day.

P.S. Please order the new Civil Wars album. I don't know how many people read my blog, but maybe the influx of extra CD orders will make them get back together.

Maybe.

Photo Lovin in the STL

"When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy."- Rumi

After this past weekend, that's exactly how I feel. 

The much anticipated Nik visit came and went, but it ended up being so much more than I could have asked for. Not only did I get to share my life with my soul sister and her awesome man for 2 days, I walked away feeling rejuvenated and inspired all over again.

Nik is a beautiful soul. She's creative, she's compassionate, she challenges me and she's done nothing but show me acceptance and kindness since the day we got to know each other. I don't know how I find people like her, but I feel incredibly lucky. (I only wish these people didn't live on opposite sides of the country.) 

The joke after this weekend was "we are the same person" after an adorable comment on instagram from a girl from our photo board who admittedly confessed she thought we were the same person for awhile. But it's true, Nik and I are a lot alike in many ways. Even down to weird little nuances like not being able to drink caffeine because of a heart condition. 

We love to a fault. We are sensitive and we are our own hardest critics. We make weird noises when we get excited during photo shoots. We love to eat. (Who doesn't though?) We have solo dance parties and we don't give a rats ass who might see us in our ridiculousness. But most of all we are two creative souls who just want to find our place in the world. 

I told her after she left this weekend that I felt like it was a mini photo retreat or photo conference. She challenged me to not be confined to the box that the photography industry wants to stick us in. She inspired me to believe in myself that I can really be successful with my business and it doesn't have to be run in a particular way, because it's my passion, my business. 

Also seeing the way she and Rob interacted together, the way they share life together so beautifully, the way he supports her every wild and random decision, it gave me hope that I can have that. It wasn't even jealousy, it was just a little seed of hope that that is out there for me somewhere.

It was hard having them leave because I feel like we barely scratched the surface, but I feel like even after this weekend, we already share such a deep friendship that I really value to no end. On top of heart to hearts, and sharing our passions and goals for our business, we really just had a blast going around town and seeing some of what St. Louis had to offer. Which pretty much meant we ate a LOT of food. 

Yellow Curry from Thai House.

Mojitos and birthday shots with some of my favorites at TGI Fridays.

Pizza at Kevin's place. (That's a whole post in and of itself.)

Chai lattes from Mudhouse.

Made from scratch dessert deliciousness from Whisk.

Running amuck around the City Museum (or the enchanted playground as Rob called it)

Fried Pickles and T-Ravs at Flannerys.

A delicious birthday dinner, graciously paid for by my parents at Sanctuaria.

And a whole lot of photo love.

Nik. You rock my socks off, Soul Sister.

some time down the road.

my poor neglected blog.

forgive me friends.

i can make up a bajillion excuses. let's just say i've been busy.

i've lost count of what day of the year it is. 78. 82. who knows. and because it's been so long i'm not really sure how to approach writing this post.

i could do a quick run down of the past few weeks. yes, let's do that.

i've booked 5 weddings this year so far. including what will be one of the most beautiful weddings ever, for my brother and his beautiful bride to be. to say that i'm honored to be photographing their wedding is an understatement.

winter does not seem to want to leave. it's like that annoying drunk uncle who just hangs around too long at holidays. listen, winter, you've overstayed your welcome. 12 inches of snow this past sunday. yeahhhh, i'm gonna have to ask you to quit that.

divorce papers are almost done. i have more on that. but that's a separate post. a much more detailed post. a much more emotional post.

two weeks ago i went to a concert on a monday night. besides throwing me off the rest of the week because i tricked myself into thinking it was a friday, it was totally worth it. i went with my friend and her brother to see Dessa and Aby Wolf and i liked it so much that i drove 2 hours away this past friday night to see them again in columbia, mo.

it was kind of a stepping stone for me. i went back and forth all day at work on friday trying to decide if it's what i wanted to do. i would be going alone. i didn't know anyone there. i would most likely have to drive back the same night. i literally did eenie meenie miney mo to decide. for serious. but i stuck with my gut and i did it. and i had a blast. i stood right up in front with an eclectic mix of college students, aspiring rappers, hipsters and well i don't know where i fit in there, but i broke it down and danced and lost myself in the music. and after i spoke with Aby and thanked her for sharing her awesome talent and i made my way back home at 1 am.

it was a stepping stone for me because i proved to myself i could do something that made me happy, even if it required stepping outside of my comfort zone a little. or a lot. i've written before about how i've become accustomed to doing things alone, but there's still some bumps i'm getting over. it felt very freeing to be able to just go and do something for myself, enjoy myself and not worry about the people around me.

in the next few weeks i will be all kinds of busy with spring sessions, engagement sessions, family sessions and my first wedding.

but i'll be completely honest, i'm most excited about my birthday. selfish? maybe. but NIK IS COMING!!!!!!!! i don't think even she understands how excited i am. we've maybe "known" each other for a few months...and i use "known" loosely because we are internet friends. but have you ever met someone and just felt like, dude, i've known them my whole life. they just get you. she and i text back and forth and sometimes its like we read each others' minds because we'll text each other regarding the same matter at the same time.

it's ESPN folks. ESPN.

(name that movie)

i live a pretty solitary life. i get used to it. but man, sometimes i miss doing things with someone. i miss sharing experiences with someone. making memories with someone. so for three days, i get her company, plus her man will be tagging along...dear rob...thank you for being so awesome....

but i'll have someone to go thrifting with. get tattoos with. go out to eat with. run amuck in the city and act a fool. and boy are we going to make the most of those three days. watch out world.

so prepare for Facebook/instagram overload from april 11-13th. and then a giant giant picture overload here too of course.

alright my friends. i'm signing off for now. i have to wake up at the butt crack of dawn tomorrow morning for my kick my ass workout. another new thing i'm doing. and just a little bit about that...while i do it i think...audrey what you were thinking?....when i'm done i think yeaaaaahhhh gurlllll get it. right now i'm in the what you were thinking stages....so i better get to bed so i can actually make it out of bed tomorrow. yeesh.

and a little instagram collage of the past few weeks just to appease your eyes. :)

forty sixth.

i drove in a circle today for 4 hours.

i saw abandoned buildings.

i waved at people in the small towns i passed through.

i got lost on gravel roads.

but most of all, i had an adventure.

it's a goal of mine to just push myself to do things that might be uncomfortable for me. so today i got in my car, picked a road and just began to drive.

i originally intended on stopping in a town and exploring, but i ended up being so fascinated by all these tiny towns that i just kept going.

i went to prairie du rocher, chester, perryville, st. mary's (population 360), ste genevieve and valmeyer.

in a few weekends i plan to go back to ste. gen and explore a little more but today i was just getting a lay of the land.

forty three.

tough day.

angry people on the phone. cussing. being hung up on. being told you're stupid. i understand, anything having to do with health insurance and money can be frustrating. but i assure you, i am far from stupid.

harumph.

these types of days either require large glasses of wine or some positive pick me up so i don't go to bed crabby. since i'm fresh out of wine, option two was what i went for.

today i happened upon this organization called LionHart. i like them for various reasons, pretty pictures, pretty and organized website, good stories to read, but most of all i like them for their vision. it coincides with my goal recently to make people feel beautiful for who they are. so i see on there that they suggest throwing a "what's your worth" party. the idea is to get some girlfriends together and do a photo shoot revolving around what it is that you find in yourself that is beautiful or worthy. i absolutely love this idea, because while i enjoy the business aspect of Vintage Suitcase, more importantly i love carrying out a creative vision. so i've decided to throw my own "what's your worth" party. i figure i can get some friends together, we can sip on tasty beverages, maybe eat cucumber sandwiches like we are fancy and take the time to tell our stories and just feel beautiful and loved.

i think it's vital to surviving every day to feel like you're needed in the world.

i really look forward to sharing these images in a few weeks and getting the chance to share other people's beautiful stories and beautiful selves.

challenge yourself to look in the mirror and tell yourself why you are worth it. trust me, it's good for the soul.

love on and love strong, my friends.

Thirty something to now.

I'm behind. But it's not without reason. Every day this week I would come home, prepared to make time to write and then I just couldn't. I couldn't quite find the words and even now I'm not sure I'll have the words I want to say, but I will do my best.

Sunday my heart sank into my chest as I learned that one of my dear friends had lost her mother. And in many cases in my life I can say that I consider her mother my friend as well.

Beautiful, compassionate, tender, gracious and loving Lisa had gone on to be with our Jesus.

Lisa was a treasure. A tenacious lover of Jesus. A gentle and understanding woman who stopped her universe to be a part of yours. A fierce and fiery warrior who had the appearance of a gentle soul. A shining example of a committed wife and devoted mother.

I feel nothing but honored to have known Lisa and to have such a connection to her family. The tears that were shed this week were too many to count, but the love that flooded our hearts and lives as we recalled the beautiful life of this woman was greater and more lasting than the sorrow that we feel now.

Today as we celebrated her life I felt this surge of emotion that spanned everything from joy, to incredible sadness, to anger. But most of all I felt love.

It was probably the most beautiful memorial service that I have ever been a part of. As the slideshow played in the background and we saw this beautiful life and legacy before us I just looked around and felt overwhelmed by the amazing community that I have been a part of for my entire life.

We worshiped our Jesus together and I couldn't help but feel this intense joy and peace in my heart imagining Lisa before the throne adoring Him the way that she did so beautifully in the house of prayer. But as someone said today, now she was not limited. Her body was not limited by the cancer that had stolen her strength, she was not inhibited by the fear of man, she was there before Him, completely and freely worshiping him with reckless abandon and the thought of that just brought tears to my eyes.

Everyone could agree that there was nothing to speak ill of when it came to Lisa. She truly was an example of the love of Jesus, walking it out, every day of her life.

I will be completely honest and say that I am a very emotional person. I've never been one really to hold back when I'm upset, or on the opposite end of the spectrum express when I'm happy.

Today was not only to chance to reflect on the life of Lisa, but a chance to look into myself and ask myself some tough questions and confront some difficult emotions that I tend to throw to the side lately. Lisa's brother in law took the time to share some of his memories of her and his impression of her life and it was just so raw and real and intense. He expressed how much he believed that in Lisa being taken away from us, how God would use this situation to bring others near to Him. That maybe by her example and devotion to the Lord that someone who had fallen to the wayside would come back to Him.

But the one that got me the most was when he said "Maybe today there's a husband and wife sitting in this room and their love for one another has started to fade and they feel like throwing in the towel. And maybe they'll see the beautiful and shining example of Lisa and her commitment to her husband Jack and it will bring healing to their marriage."

Cue Audrey losing it. Thank God Tammy Riddering was sitting next to me or I'm afraid I would have been uncontrollably sobbing.

Why did this strike me so intensely?

I'm going to get very honest here and it's scary for me to do because everyone has their opinions and thoughts on the issue, but this is something that continuously weighs on my heart and maybe I'll find healing by talking about it.

I feel like I failed my husband. I feel like I failed at loving Josh to the best of my ability. Every single day I fight with myself over the state of things. There's the side of me that's ready to carry on, to accept that we are two very different people, who want two very different things out of this life, who have very different opinions on a variety of things and just couldn't be compatible. And then there's the side of me who just wants to love him and not give up on him. The side that says if I just keep loving him as hard as I can, loving til it hurts, loving him to the point that even if I have to sacrifice everything it is that I want out of life just to spend my life with him,  that maybe our marriage can find healing and restoration.

Just maybe.

People see me and might see that I've started to move on and let go of that part of my life. But the pain is still very real and the love that I have for him is still very tangible. I would love more than anything for the arms that were around me comforting me as we mourn the loss of a friend, to be my husband's arms. I would love more than anything to not have to dwell on being the third wheel or the fifth wheel when I'm out with a group of friends. I would love more than anything to come home from work and have him there to cook dinner for and rest in his arms as I wind down from the day. I would love to think about my future and have him still be a part of it.

As much pain and disappointment I may have experienced, as much as my expectations of what "we" would be might not have been met, I wanted a different ending to this story.

My fairytale ending might not have happened and these visions and dreams I had for my life I thought would unfold before me might not. At least not how I had envisioned.

Yet as these thoughts flooded my mind and I was brought to tears I was overcome with this beautiful love. I had my hands outstretched, pretty much as a sign of abandon before the Lord, as if to say I'm a mess, and my love is weak, but it's what I had to give. And I felt so much love and it was if He whispered to me that my love was beautiful, my strength was beautiful and my honesty was beautiful.

It was almost as if He was also saying, "I know."

He knows my pain. He knows that my heart is unsettled. He knows how much I wish that my husband was in my life. But He also knows that my love wasn't wasted and that even though my husband isn't a part of my every day life or my world, I want nothing more than for him to know love, and to be loved. I want nothing more than for him to find happiness in life, for him to feel fulfilled, and for him to know the joy and beauty that is this gift of life that we have.

And that's a gift that Lisa gave me today. That I can rejoice in this beautiful life. That I can wake up everyday with a smile, and with compassion in my heart, knowing that I've been given another chance to love harder and stronger than the day before. The gift that I can be reassured that Jesus takes delight in me. That He sees me for who I am and He loves me deeply. That I can live out my life as I am, the creative, spontaneous, can't say no to anyone, dance parties on the daily, storyteller, and lover that I am. The gift of knowing that I am beautiful and loved. The gift of being surrounded with such a strong community of people who encourage and love one another in the best and worst of times. The gift of knowing that as long as I live out my days here on this earth that I will know love.

I am not ashamed of this love. I once was. But I am not anymore because it is the most perfect and beautiful treasure that I can cling to. His love brings me hope. His love brings me restoration. His love casts out all fear. His love allows me to reconcile with myself and allow myself to see me how He does.

Lisa, your love was beautiful. Your life exuded the grace and compassion of Jesus and you will be incredibly missed. Your family will be loved, don't you worry. Thank you, thank you for speaking into my life. Thank you for holding me months ago when I felt so alone and that my world was crumbling underneath me. Thank you for flooding me with compassion and speaking truth into my life. Thank you for praying for me and for my husband in the late hours of the night. Thank you for fighting for me. Thank you for reminding me just how beautiful the love of Jesus is and how much He really does love and cherish me.

Dance Lisa. You fought the good fight and now you have perfect healing. Dance with reckless abandon.

We love you.

thirty-fourth.

February.

The month that the aisles of stores are overflowing with heart shaped candy and people crowd around trying to find the perfect card that says what they want to say to a loved one.

Already I've found myself snarling at the thought of Valentine's Day. I have to prepare myself for a day of flowers being delivered in my office and being reminded of my current relationship status.

It stings a little.

But I'll be fine, you know why, because at the root of it all I believe in love. I love love.

I'm finding myself lately reading page after page of blogs of my favorite and most inspirational photographers and honestly, I don't have to read a whole lot because the images tell enough of a beautiful story.

At the top of my list is "We are the Parsons". I've sometimes been brought to tears seeing some of the images from the weddings they've captured or even just intimate sessions between a husband and wife. The tears come from a place of knowing that I can hope in that kind of love, some of the tears come from a place of sadness, but most come from a place of beautiful hope, knowing that I can have the chance to be a part of a love like that.

I see love every day.

My parents are a perfect example of that. Obviously being their child, I've gotten more of a glimpse into their life together, but yet there's still so much I'm discovering about how committed to one another they are. Married young with a newborn baby, plenty of hiccups and speed bumps along the way, and yet their marriage is more beautiful than ever. Sometimes I envy them. It's known around these parts that my parents get out and live life. They eat at unique restaurants, go to art fairs, sit in a musicians living room to enjoy a concert and most of all they enjoy each other's company. They deserve to get to experience these exciting things together. They've worked hard to get to this point in their life and I'm so proud of them for it. But the dedication that my parents have for each other is always going to be a beautiful reminder that I can have that for myself some day.

And it's not to say that I haven't experienced that already. Yes the pain of divorce is very poignant and real and I wish more than anything that this wasn't my story. But let me be clear in saying that I would do it all over again. Why? Because even in the end when everything was broken, I gained more than I could have ever imagined out of my marriage. We had our shortcomings. We had our faults. And our roads diverged. But for that short time that we walked down the same road together, those memories are preserved in my heart and they are cherished.

We shared beautiful, intimate moments together that I will forever cherish. I could look at love be jaded, but I am not. I've tasted love and even if for a moment that's all I have, it is so precious to me that I wouldn't give it up for the world.

The fragile and delicate state of of my heart at times has allowed me to be broken open and experience love in a more real and incredible way than I ever have before. Even now as I write this through the blur of tears that fill my eyes, I have hope. Hope that one day my fingers will be interlaced with another's and I can rest my head on his shoulder and we can feel such a deep connection and gratitude for what it is that we share. But even more than longing for knowing and feeling that love again, I have to remind myself that every day, love is all around me.

And though I would gladly accept flowers or a sweet love note on Valentine's day, I can still celebrate love. But honestly, shouldn't it be celebrated every day.

Oh and just as a little suggestion. Skip the Hallmark aisle. Take the time to write out why it is that you love someone. Dig deep for those words that really say what it is you want to say. Even if it's not elaborate, even if it's not a Keat's poem, even if it's as simple as "you mean the world to me", just say it. And another suggestion...don't wait for Valentine's day to say it.

thirty first, thirty second and thirty third.

yikes. i've neglected my blog almost as much as i've neglected to wear anything other than yoga pants lately.

don't knock the yoga pants, people. they are as comfortable as all get out, and sometimes that's what life is about...comfort.

what a wonderful segue this gave me because today's post is about being comfortable in our skin. i'll get a little bit personal here and lead into where i'm going with this.

i have been my worst enemy this year when it comes to feeling happy in my own skin. circumstances surrounding my life have made me feel incredibly uncomfortable with my body. there was a time where i was a skinny little thing who could eat anything she wanted and not gain a pound. i think i kind of took that for granted. well now i'm the curvy not so little thing who wants to eat anything she wants and does gain pounds.

i just looooove food.

anyway, i've been really uncomfortable in my skin. i had myself convinced that i needed to look a certain way to be loved. now i'm learning that i need to love and respect my body now so that i can continue down a road of getting healthy about how i perceive myself. i've been challenging myself to think differently, to even say something out loud that i'm proud of for accomplishing, in order to learn to love and accept myself. if i can't love and respect myself, then how can i love and respect others?

my skin. oh man my skin. i have the skin of a prepubescent 14 year old boy who eats too many pizza rolls. it's been a struggle for many years and it's a battle i wish i didn't have to deal with. i just can't find some kind of balance to keep it in check. i'll have good days and think i've finally found the magic solution and then the next day it's gone to crap. i've tried everything under the sun. it's frustrating to say the least. i don't go annnnnywhere without makeup on. this face does not get seen without coverup.

even in my marriage, i would insist on having makeup on every second of the day because i didn't feel acceptable without it in front of my husband.

this is tragic. i know. i'm trying sooo hard to let it go. it's really hard. it seriously is one of my biggest battles.

i'd love to run to walgreens for a bottle of sprite while i have the killer stomach flu without feeling self conscious about my red, dry, acne ridden face. i would love it.

my body. i weigh more than i wish i did. but, hey don't we all feel that way about ourselves in general. spare the few of you that really are awesome at accepting your beautiful bodies...kudos to you. getting personal here, but in 10 years, i would love to have a breast reduction. yeah, you heard me right. most women want the opposite. mine are large and they give me back problems and i have yet to find the right kind of bra that makes me feel sexy and not like i've shopped in the grandma support bra section at macy's.

my stomach. my stomach sticks out and so i find myself perpetually trying to suck it in for the sake of keeping up appearances.

i could go on. but that's not what this is about.

there's a blog post circling the internet about a woman who had a change of heart about getting her photos taken regardless of the fact that she wasn't 100% happy with her body. it's such a poignant story she tells and it's one that i hope people take to heart.

as a photographer, i'm not in front of the camera very often. one because, well i'm always photographing others (which i love) and two, i generally don't like pictures of myself, save for the blurry selfie here and there with a heavy instagram filter to cover all my blemishes.

but i'm having a shift in thinking. i love documenting things in life. obviously, that's what this blog is about. so why not document myself? i want to be able to look back at this time in my life and see myself as a strong, beautiful woman who has overcome a lot and grown a lot in a short period of time. i want to see myself as the opposite of all the lies i've convinced myself of over the past few years.

i also want this to be a goal with my photography. today i had some boudoir sessions and let me tell you, i absolutely loved them. sometimes people turn their noses to boudoir sessions because they think they are too risqué. i see it completely differently. i see it as an opportunity for a woman to completely feel beautiful and proud of her body. to embrace herself as she is and show off all the wonderful details of her body and her personality. that's something that always shines through in these sessions, personality. if i can get a girl to light up and feel comfortable and see herself as beautiful, then i have accomplished my goal.

so in april, when my beautiful friend Nik comes to photograph me, i'm gonna go all out. whether i lose 15 lbs or not. i'm going to love myself and i'm gonna rock that shoot out. i'm going to exemplify all of the qualities that i'm proud of in myself and in 15 years i will look at them and i will smile and see how far i've come.

love yourself. and don't be afraid to be in a picture. your loved ones will cherish those memories being preserved. they won't look back and say...oh that was when mom had put on some weight...they'll say, look at how beautiful she was, look at how much she loved us and memories will be triggered. and it will be beautiful. because you know what, you are beautiful.

in the words of my homegirl rihanna, shine bright like a diamond.

twenty ninth and thirtieth.

I was looking at my calendar today and only a month in and I feel like I've already done so much this year. I really feel like I'm heading down a good road and I cannot wait to see where the year continues to take me. I have a lot of exciting things coming up in the next few months, from out of town friend's coming to visit, to a busy busy spring with Vintage Suitcase Photography.

February will go by in the blink of an eye and soon spring will be here. I absolutely love spring. We got a taste of it here yesterday with near 70 degree temps and I was in heaven. Windows down in the car, music up, and feeling inspired. I don't know what it is with that change in temperature that does something so good for my body. It's almost like a motivation drug. It just gets me all pumped up and ready to take on the world.

The taste of spring didn't last for long because well, let's get real, this is St. Louis, the same city where you could turn your heat and a/c on within a 24 hour period. And sure enough, today the temperature crashed and by the afternoon, it was chilly and windy as all get out and there were snow flurries in the air. I'll be honest, it made me sad when I woke up this morning. But then I turned on my Springtime Jam station on Pandora and got my head back in the right place.

So, with spring coming and bringing new things, I thought I'd introduce something new that I'll be doing. It kind of happened overnight, or in 12 hours actually, but I'm really excited about it. I've been debating for the past few weeks whether or not to open an Etsy store. I have a variety of creative things to offer, from paintings to prints of my own pictures, but something about that kind of stressed me out. I feel like I would get overwhelmed with potential orders and getting things in the mail and I would completely fail. Sometimes you just have to be honest with yourself, right? But I still had it floating in the back of my mind, and maybe someday I'll have the time to do that, but right now with working full time and staying on top of things otherwise, it just wasn't feasible.

And then, I offered to whip up a logo for a photographer friend who was struggling to get something that worked for her style and so I told her I would mess around with some ideas for a bit to see what I came up with. Turns out, I was pretty dang successful and I was encouraged by some other friends to pursue it more. So, I'm hoping within the next two weeks to get my Etsy Logo Shop up and running. I'll be offering custom made logos, for whatever you might need, but I think they'll cater mostly to photographers or designers. It won't be too much of a burden for me because they are digital files that I can throw together and email or send a link to a client and I won't be overwhelmed by having to physically mail something. I'm really excited about this endeavor and I hope the word travels fast!

Once everything is officially up and running, I'll make sure to make an announcement about it, but until then, here's some of what you can look forward to!

twenty eighth.

first y'all. the weather today.

incredible. i must admit i got a little giddy when i saw storm clouds forming in the sky. i have an intense love of storms. like, it's almost weird. i want to go tornado chasing. as horrible as it is otherwise, i love love love the movie twister. i get hardcore sucked into severe weather documentaries on netflix. when a storm's a brewin' you'll find me outside waiting for it all to roll in.

tomorrow it's gonna storm and i'm pretty bummed that i work in an office that has zero windows. hopefully it will still be going by the time i get off of work.

secondly, i made one of the best homemade dinners evah tonight and it was so so easy. some of you are already asking for the recipe and no joke, you'll be so giddy to see that it's crazy easy.

i've got plenty of leftovers to get me through a few lunches, and i'm pretty stoked about it. i was pretty close to eating it all tonight.

Homemade chicken and dumplings:

First I baked two large chicken breasts in the oven at 450 for about 15 minutes or until done and juicy in the center. I seasoned them with garlic salt and black pepper and brushed them with olive oil.

For the dumplings it was 2 cups of bisquick mix and 2/3 cup of milk. I seasoned the dumplings as well with the garlic salt and black pepper and then I mixed it together until it got to a doughy consistency.

I brought 4 cups of swanson chicken broth to a boil and added 1 chopped carrot and 1/2 of a white onion chopped. I then took small spoonfuls of the dumpling mix and dropped it into the broth. They expand quite a bit so if they are too big, you can break it up with a fork or spoon. I then reduced the heat to a simmer and added my chicken. Cook uncovered for 10 minutes, and then covered for another 10 and voila. Super delicious chicken and dumplings.

I had some dough left so I just dropped it on to an ungreased baking sheet and baked the drop biscuits in the oven for about 8 minutes at 450.

Seriously, super easy, super hearty and super delicious! Enjoy!

twenty fifth, sixth and seventh.

Obviously we aren't too far into the year, but I'm noticing three main themes that are sticking out to me.

-storytelling, whether I'm telling stories or I'm hearing other stories being told
-finding beauty in simplicity
-loving life for what it is now and not worrying about the future

I want to dabble in each of those areas in this blog post, especially because I have three days of posting to catch up on.

First of all, this story. Grab tissues. But trust me, you won't regret watching this. This kind of story telling, this kind of art, this is what I want to do with my photography. This is just simply beautiful beyond words.

I guess all three themes could be wrapped up into this video. Jill's story really puts so much of what we might complain about into perspective. I love her ability to see past her own scars and see herself as beautiful. It's a lesson we could all learn for ourselves, both to look at our own bodies that way, and to look at others that way. How much more beautiful would the world be if we lived out loving and being judgment free to the fullest capability?

This just got me at my core and it just inspired me to seek out stories like this, people who have found the beauty of living regardless of their personal trials and tribulations, those are the stories that need to be told.

Today, I was cleaning house and had some incense burning and I stepped into the dining room, and hit the light just perfectly and saw the smoke just floating in the room. It was a split second I had to capture it, and it was tricky, but it was so beautiful. Sometimes we try to seek out beauty and sometimes it's just right in front of your nose.

And lastly, loving life for what it is...

Friday night I had a rough evening. I was bumming about life and feeling quite alone. I was in my pajamas and in bed my 9:30. I felt pretty pathetic.

Saturday morning I woke up and decided to push all that crappy crap aside and just push on with the day and enjoy it as much as possible, and it was a really wonderful day.

First I had the opportunity to have a second round of photographing one of the most beautiful babies I know. I met up with Gabe and Rachael and photographed little Aria and she is just a doll. I loved taking her pictures, but even more I enjoyed just loving on her and holding her while she slept. I look forward to the day that I get to snuggle my own, but getting to love on little Aria was pretty wonderful.

For more pictures go visit my photography blog. I'll be getting them up tonight.

Later in the day I went out and celebrated my friend Rachel's birthday with some margaritas and dancing. Two of my favorite things.

I have not laughed in so long. And today I hurt like no other. But boy was it worth it. I'm really enjoying soaking up these moments more and I'm looking forward to even more in the future. It's such good food for the soul to just let go and have as much fun as possible and these kids know how to have fun. Dance it out people. Just dance it out.

twenty fourth.

There's a wild thing in all of us.

I have a mini Max that hangs from my rearview mirror. He's there to remind me to be me. He's there to remind me that it's okay to be wild and free. He reminds me to stay inspired. Max was a kid with a wild imagination. He felt abandoned. He felt like he wasn't heard at times. But he conquered that and had wild adventures. He met the Wild Things. Each of them with unique personalities. Each of them with fears. Each of them with hopes of their own. And Max learned to embrace them all.

That's why Max hangs from my mirror. He's a reminder that it's in my best interest to embrace everyone.

These past couple of days on top of battling a dandy little stomach bug, I've been battling a serious insecurity. I'm battling the "not good enough to make it" monster regarding my photography business.

Don't get me wrong, I love what I do. But it's a challenge. It's a saturated market of people getting their hands on a camera and becoming professionals. I'm not one to discourage people if they find something that they love doing. But it's a competitive market. It's a back in forth battle in my head and it can get overwhelming at times. When my calendar isn't completely booked up or things are running slow...it gets tricky to not get down on myself. This is where I have to be Max. This is where I have to run amuck screaming "let the wild rumpus start"and just do my thing. It's where regardless of getting paid or not I grab my camera and conquer the world and love the heck out of it. Why? Because I flipping love being a photographer. Because when I finish taking pictures half of the excitement is going home and getting to share them all with you. Because when I drive around in my car and I see a sunset I get the urge to chase it, even if it takes me down a road that I'm unfamiliar with. Because when I see the world now, I see it differently. 

And that's how I battle that monster and win, because at the end of the day I'm doing something I love more than anything. And I believe in myself. And I know that my photography will take me far. 

Be Max. Lose your inhibitions. Love wildly. Make sacrifices for the sake of the thing you love the most. Embrace those around you for everything that they are. Conquer your fears and "let the wild rumpus start".

twenty third.

Sick day.

There's a good deed in my book that says "Play Hooky", but I don't think a stomach virus counts towards playing hooky.

Blerg.

Funny that in 2 weeks I'm eligible for paid time off. Oh well. I guess I'll just have to hustle somehow.

Or I could cheat and promote my business here. C'mon, help a sister out.

Spread the word for me...pretty please.

If you put a $75 deposit down on a 2013 session with Vintage Suitcase Photography, you'll receive $50 off your session fee. This Sunday at midnight is the cutoff time to book. The session can happen any time in 2013. Starting Monday regular session fees will apply. So share with your friends and family.

I had a pretty amazing 2012 and would love to repeat that in 2013.

You can see some of my work by visiting my website...clicky link up above....or visit my Facebook Page.

I would hate to have to resort to selling vacuums door to door or being one of those annoying telemarketers who calls you during family dinners...so let's keep it real and let's keep it fun and book a session with me. You won't regret it!

twenty second.

Today I'm going to share a story with you that is not mine. It's a story I heard today while listening to my Snap Judgment podcast at work. I love this podcast because each one revolves around a theme and within that segment there are multiple stories being told that revolve around that theme.

Today, while listening, I heard this one story and it brought me to tears. Yes, I was that teary eyed fool at her desk. But take a few minutes and listen. You won't regret it.

The Story of Xiao Xiao.

I was so moved by this story because it begins with one person's commitment to love and lengths to which they will go to stick with that commitment. It's a virtue that can be hard to come by these days.

It also just continued to stir up my desire to adopt someday. I've said before that I have a goal within the next 3-5 years that even if I am not remarried, I will begin to start a family. I know that it will be a lot of responsibility, but I have confidence in myself that I could be that mom that adopts a child and raises him or her to the best of my ability. Yes, it would be extra lovely to share this adventure with a husband, but I feel reassured that this desire wasn't put on my heart for nothing, and regardless of where my life might be, that can't prevent me from having that family. I'm also reassured that I have a wonderful community that would rally around me and do everything they could to support me in my endeavor. I am not afraid of what my future holds anymore, I have this commitment to love a child and I will see that through.

What's something that you are so committed to that you would do anything to stick with that commitment? Think of every day things that you can do, maybe small things, that in the long run could amount to something significant towards staying committed to your goal.

For me, it means setting aside some income for future costs and really examining my every day choices to see where my priorities are.

Love is a powerful thing and when we commit ourselves to loving, beautiful things can come out of it. Commit yourself to loving, even when it might not be easy, or even when it means taking risks or stepping out of your comfort zone. It will be worth it.

Twenty first.

This will be short, but hopefully sweet. Having fat thumbs doesn't bode well when trying to type a blogpost from your phone.

So many of you know that I love tattoos. I got hooked. Well I'm itching to get another one, but I'm proud of myself because I haven't gotten one in months now. That's a big deal for me.

But I'm getting another one in the next couple of months and it might just be my most favorite one yet.

When I got the phone call that my Papa had been diagnosed with cancer, my world stopped. I was driving and I can remember exactly where I was. I began to hyperventilate and I had to pull over on the side of the highway. My Papa is my teddy bear. He's one of the few male figures in my life that really makes me feel treasured. He's a gentle soul who loves his family with all of his heart. He'd give anything for any one of us and he has already sacrificed so much.

The thought of losing him shook my world to pieces.

Thankfully I can say that he is all finished with his chemo and he fought and overcame. He still has health issues that he struggles with from complications from treatments, but he is still in my life and for that I am ever thankful to God.

I knew I wanted to do something tattoo wise that would represent my relationship with my Papa. There have been numerous times where he pulls me in to his arms and hugs me so tight he's almost trembling and whispers in my ear, "you'll never know how precious you are to me".

Thinking about him saying it brings me to tears.

So I've decided to get those words tattooed across my forearm in his handwriting so I will always have him near me.

When I told him about it, he chuckled and said "my handwriting is not the prettiest."

That doesn't matter, Papa. It will still be beautiful.

twentieth.

I just finished watching a documentary called Craigslist Joe. If you have Netflix, I highly recommend checking it out. The premise behind the movie is that this guy, Joe, challenges himself to live strictly off of Craigslist for 31 days. He has no food, no shelter, no money to start with. All he brings with him are the clothes on his back and his laptop, a cell phone, and toothbrush and toothpaste. His goal is try and find food and shelter and possibly hitch rides over this period of time. More than just the logistics behind using Craigslist to achieve these daily needs, the movie becomes more about the human experience surrounding his adventures. He starts in LA and makes it all the way across the country to New York and back.

I feel such a strong connection to movies like this and I think it's because I am drawn to the human experience. I love stories. I could sit for hours in a crowded airport and just imagine what someone's story is. I think that's why having a family is so important to me because I love the idea of leaving a legacy or leaving a story behind for someone to tell.

Even in my family there are so many wonderful stories to tell. Like my Grandma and Grandpa Hanson. I want to know more of their story. But what I know of them is that they were warm, loving people who lived along River Des Peres and shared many adventures together. They were cruise experts. My Grandma Hanson was a doll.  Even when we would visit her in the nursing home, she was a hoot. She always had a new story of a new crush from the home, Gary across the hall, or Jack from Bingo the other night, and she always had her hair done and her nails done. Though by the end her hair was a wee bit on the neon orange side, she was always making a statement and so I remember her for that.

Sometimes we tend to lose faith in humanity. From small circumstances like the person who cuts you off in traffic to the more tragic moments like what recently happened in Connecticut. It gets hard to believe that people think of anyone other than themselves. It can be a self gratifying, me first kind of world that we are a part of.

In those moments where my heart breaks over the state of things, I dig deep for those moments that proclaim the beauty of humanity. Many of those experiences revolve around those times I spent in other countries. I went on a volunteer basis, and you are prepared to give, but the thing that you always come away with, always, is that you received more than you gave. You learned more than you could ever teach. You were blessed more than you were able to bless others.

There was a boy at the orphanage in Burkina, who is now a handsome young man, named Achille. Achille is a dwarf. Already in society it's hard to function and feel normal with this kind of condition, and that's in developed countries. In Burkina he was treated as if he was possessed by some demon. His family literally believed he was cursed and so they banned him from human contact with the rest of the family. He was separated from his parents and siblings and banned to a shed where he was fed the scraps that even the dogs probably received more of. When it was discovered by Ruth, the amazing woman who runs the orphanage, that this was happening, she insisted that they take him in. Imagine yourself in this situation. How many of us would be bitter and resentful? How many of us would hold anger in our hearts for the remainder of our lives? How many of us would never trust another human soul? How many of us would always be afraid?

Achille is a beautiful soul. His language development was so far behind that he might as well have been  taking classes with the preschoolers. He had never had any kind of loving human contact before in his life. Yet he persevered. He worked hard in school. He was appreciative. He was grateful. He was a tender soul. He was so so loving. And now he's a wonderful young man, and I would love to go back to Burkina and thank him. Thank him for teaching me the beauty of perseverance, of forgiveness, of resilience and of unconditional love.

Achille probably has no idea that he taught me so much. He was just being Achille.

Achille is down in front in the yellow shirt. (This is when I bought them all new shoes.)

So when it's hard to believe in someone, just remember all of the times that it may have been hard for someone to believe in you. Remember that we all have stories, we all have tragedies, we all have faults and failures, but we all have the ability to exude beauty, perseverance, grace and forgiveness. We all have the ability to dig deep down within ourselves and fight the battles that bring us down and come out on top, shining.

The human spirit is a beautiful thing. So let your story be told. And listen to other people's stories. It may change your life.

nineteenth.

Today, my goal was to set out and get some fresh air and take my trusty camera along for the ride. I'd say that was accomplished.

I have this itch to want to live somewhere else for a bit. You know, the ocean...the mountains...just to get a taste of something new. But I have this feeling that there's this side of me that will always be drawn back home. I gotta give it up for the STL. We really have an awesome city. The best, I mean, the best sports fans. Going to opening day at Busch Stadium is like a spiritual experience. Nerd alert. I get teary eyed when the clydesdales come out and take their lap around the field. (Sidenote: this year's opening day will not be the same without Stan the Man Musial. Rest in peace, baseball heaven will miss you.)

On top of having amazing fans. We have so many great things to see and do that are for free. That's right F-R-E-E. Zoo? Free. Art Museum? Free. Science Center? Free. Laumeier Sculpture Park? Free. Even places that charge usually, they have time slots that if you go then, it's free. Like the Botanical Gardens. One of the most beautiful places I've ever been. The japanese garden is so serene.

The food. Don't even get me started. My parents always talk about this. We find out about great restaurants from places like Sauce Magazine, create a list, and then try and knock them off the list. But the part that sucks is that none of these restaurants suck, so we have TOO many places to choose from. And if we go back to one we like, we're leaving out a bunch of new places to try.

We have so many unique neighborhoods. The Loop. Central West End. Maplewood. Kirkwood. Tower Grove. Cherokee Street. It's endless.

The winters might be occasionally cruddy, and the summers hot and humid, but we have handfuls of microbreweries to choose from to pop a squat, grab a cold beer and watch a good Cardinal's game to escape from the heat.

And now that I've practically given a Yelp Review for the city of St. Louis, how about I share some of what I did today. Ice carnival in the loop. Awesome. A little unseasonably warm, so the ice sculptures were melting quick, but all around good time. Then Soulard. Oh Soulard. The farmer's market, Mardi Gras preparation, too many delicious restaurants to choose from.

Thank you "global warming" for this taste of spring. I needed the fresh air and Vitamin D something fierce.