don't knock the yoga pants, people. they are as comfortable as all get out, and sometimes that's what life is about...comfort.
what a wonderful segue this gave me because today's post is about being comfortable in our skin. i'll get a little bit personal here and lead into where i'm going with this.
i have been my worst enemy this year when it comes to feeling happy in my own skin. circumstances surrounding my life have made me feel incredibly uncomfortable with my body. there was a time where i was a skinny little thing who could eat anything she wanted and not gain a pound. i think i kind of took that for granted. well now i'm the curvy not so little thing who wants to eat anything she wants and does gain pounds.
i just looooove food.
anyway, i've been really uncomfortable in my skin. i had myself convinced that i needed to look a certain way to be loved. now i'm learning that i need to love and respect my body now so that i can continue down a road of getting healthy about how i perceive myself. i've been challenging myself to think differently, to even say something out loud that i'm proud of for accomplishing, in order to learn to love and accept myself. if i can't love and respect myself, then how can i love and respect others?
my skin. oh man my skin. i have the skin of a prepubescent 14 year old boy who eats too many pizza rolls. it's been a struggle for many years and it's a battle i wish i didn't have to deal with. i just can't find some kind of balance to keep it in check. i'll have good days and think i've finally found the magic solution and then the next day it's gone to crap. i've tried everything under the sun. it's frustrating to say the least. i don't go annnnnywhere without makeup on. this face does not get seen without coverup.
even in my marriage, i would insist on having makeup on every second of the day because i didn't feel acceptable without it in front of my husband.
this is tragic. i know. i'm trying sooo hard to let it go. it's really hard. it seriously is one of my biggest battles.
i'd love to run to walgreens for a bottle of sprite while i have the killer stomach flu without feeling self conscious about my red, dry, acne ridden face. i would love it.
my body. i weigh more than i wish i did. but, hey don't we all feel that way about ourselves in general. spare the few of you that really are awesome at accepting your beautiful bodies...kudos to you. getting personal here, but in 10 years, i would love to have a breast reduction. yeah, you heard me right. most women want the opposite. mine are large and they give me back problems and i have yet to find the right kind of bra that makes me feel sexy and not like i've shopped in the grandma support bra section at macy's.
my stomach. my stomach sticks out and so i find myself perpetually trying to suck it in for the sake of keeping up appearances.
i could go on. but that's not what this is about.
there's a blog post circling the internet about a woman who had a change of heart about getting her photos taken regardless of the fact that she wasn't 100% happy with her body. it's such a poignant story she tells and it's one that i hope people take to heart.
as a photographer, i'm not in front of the camera very often. one because, well i'm always photographing others (which i love) and two, i generally don't like pictures of myself, save for the blurry selfie here and there with a heavy instagram filter to cover all my blemishes.
but i'm having a shift in thinking. i love documenting things in life. obviously, that's what this blog is about. so why not document myself? i want to be able to look back at this time in my life and see myself as a strong, beautiful woman who has overcome a lot and grown a lot in a short period of time. i want to see myself as the opposite of all the lies i've convinced myself of over the past few years.
i also want this to be a goal with my photography. today i had some boudoir sessions and let me tell you, i absolutely loved them. sometimes people turn their noses to boudoir sessions because they think they are too risqué. i see it completely differently. i see it as an opportunity for a woman to completely feel beautiful and proud of her body. to embrace herself as she is and show off all the wonderful details of her body and her personality. that's something that always shines through in these sessions, personality. if i can get a girl to light up and feel comfortable and see herself as beautiful, then i have accomplished my goal.
so in april, when my beautiful friend Nik comes to photograph me, i'm gonna go all out. whether i lose 15 lbs or not. i'm going to love myself and i'm gonna rock that shoot out. i'm going to exemplify all of the qualities that i'm proud of in myself and in 15 years i will look at them and i will smile and see how far i've come.
love yourself. and don't be afraid to be in a picture. your loved ones will cherish those memories being preserved. they won't look back and say...oh that was when mom had put on some weight...they'll say, look at how beautiful she was, look at how much she loved us and memories will be triggered. and it will be beautiful. because you know what, you are beautiful.
in the words of my homegirl rihanna, shine bright like a diamond.
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