The month that the aisles of stores are overflowing with heart shaped candy and people crowd around trying to find the perfect card that says what they want to say to a loved one.
Already I've found myself snarling at the thought of Valentine's Day. I have to prepare myself for a day of flowers being delivered in my office and being reminded of my current relationship status.
It stings a little.
But I'll be fine, you know why, because at the root of it all I believe in love. I love love.
I'm finding myself lately reading page after page of blogs of my favorite and most inspirational photographers and honestly, I don't have to read a whole lot because the images tell enough of a beautiful story.
At the top of my list is "We are the Parsons". I've sometimes been brought to tears seeing some of the images from the weddings they've captured or even just intimate sessions between a husband and wife. The tears come from a place of knowing that I can hope in that kind of love, some of the tears come from a place of sadness, but most come from a place of beautiful hope, knowing that I can have the chance to be a part of a love like that.
I see love every day.
My parents are a perfect example of that. Obviously being their child, I've gotten more of a glimpse into their life together, but yet there's still so much I'm discovering about how committed to one another they are. Married young with a newborn baby, plenty of hiccups and speed bumps along the way, and yet their marriage is more beautiful than ever. Sometimes I envy them. It's known around these parts that my parents get out and live life. They eat at unique restaurants, go to art fairs, sit in a musicians living room to enjoy a concert and most of all they enjoy each other's company. They deserve to get to experience these exciting things together. They've worked hard to get to this point in their life and I'm so proud of them for it. But the dedication that my parents have for each other is always going to be a beautiful reminder that I can have that for myself some day.
And it's not to say that I haven't experienced that already. Yes the pain of divorce is very poignant and real and I wish more than anything that this wasn't my story. But let me be clear in saying that I would do it all over again. Why? Because even in the end when everything was broken, I gained more than I could have ever imagined out of my marriage. We had our shortcomings. We had our faults. And our roads diverged. But for that short time that we walked down the same road together, those memories are preserved in my heart and they are cherished.
We shared beautiful, intimate moments together that I will forever cherish. I could look at love be jaded, but I am not. I've tasted love and even if for a moment that's all I have, it is so precious to me that I wouldn't give it up for the world.
The fragile and delicate state of of my heart at times has allowed me to be broken open and experience love in a more real and incredible way than I ever have before. Even now as I write this through the blur of tears that fill my eyes, I have hope. Hope that one day my fingers will be interlaced with another's and I can rest my head on his shoulder and we can feel such a deep connection and gratitude for what it is that we share. But even more than longing for knowing and feeling that love again, I have to remind myself that every day, love is all around me.
And though I would gladly accept flowers or a sweet love note on Valentine's day, I can still celebrate love. But honestly, shouldn't it be celebrated every day.
Oh and just as a little suggestion. Skip the Hallmark aisle. Take the time to write out why it is that you love someone. Dig deep for those words that really say what it is you want to say. Even if it's not elaborate, even if it's not a Keat's poem, even if it's as simple as "you mean the world to me", just say it. And another suggestion...don't wait for Valentine's day to say it.
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