fifteenth and sixteenth

This post is going to be about being alone. But don't be fooled. It's not a sad, sappy, feel bad for me kind of post. It's the empowering, feel good kind of post.

I have become quite accustomed to being and doing things alone for awhile now. Yeah, sometimes it's not ideal. Morning's like today it'd be nice to have someone to start up my car and scrape the ice off my windshield while I pack my lunch for work. This Saturday night it'd be nice to have someone to accompany me to a dinner with some co-workers. Having "someone" obviously has its benefits and someday I hope to have "someone" again.

But for now I'm really learning to rock the me time.

Last year, early in the spring, maybe even before winter was over, the weather was immaculate and I was itching to get out and do something.  I grabbed my camera and went on the first of my many adventures I've learned to love. I went downtown and took pictures of everything under the sun. I had a blast. I didn't feel any kind of pressure to hurry, or to move along, or to not do every little thing I wanted to do that day. I could be that ridiculous person who laid in the grass just to get the shot I was looking for. I grabbed a hot dog from a vendor on the street and continued on my merry way. When I was ready to eat dinner, I felt like I had hit the jackpot. I had all of these wonderful restaurants in front of me to choose from. After going into a few places and seeing that the wait was too long I found a wonderful place called Mango, which is this amazing Peruvian place on Locust.

I grabbed a seat at the bar and it took a minute for someone to approach me. Finally a bartender came up and said "Is anyone joining you?" and I responded with a polite "No, it's just me. Thank you."

And then what he said next kind of struck me.

"Oh, I'm sorry."

There was no need to be sorry. I didn't feel sorry for myself. I was having a wonderful day.

I told him "Hey, no need to feel bad for me. I've had a wonderful day doing whatever I've felt like doing, and now I can eat whatever I feel like because I'm not on an awkward date worried about spending too much of this other person's money. I can eat as much as I want without feeling like a fatty. And I don't have to try and hold an awkward conversation that I don't feel like having."

He had a big grin on his face and said "I like your attitude."

Then I proceeded to eat one of the tastiest dinners I have ever eaten in my life.

The silver lining. It's good to keep your eye on that.

Even since then, I feel like I've come a long long way.

It's empowering to do things alone every once in awhile.

Go see a movie by yourself. Go to the park and take a walk by yourself. Breathe deeply. Go to that restaurant you've always wanted to try but you have a hard time dragging someone else there.

Saturday, the weather is going to be warmer on Saturday. So I'm taking my camera and having an adventure. I'm really looking forward to it.

Have "me time" and love it.

And that's all there is to say about that.